Oscars 2011

“Why didn’t I lose that twenty pounds?” –Robert Stromberg

Which Academy genius suggested Kurt Douglas as presenter? Why not have Dick Clark join him as a co-presenter? Oh, my gosh, you’re breaking the first rule of show biz: leave them wanting more.

Best supporting presenting actress Melissa Leo - loved her genuine surprise, awkwardness and her live television F-bomb.

Justin Timberlake isn’t nearly as cute as he thinks he is. Not even close.

Why are Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem presenting together in matching ecru tuxedos? The look seems too unique to be accidental.

Randy Newman – witty, as usual.

2001: first win after nominated 15 times. "I don't need your pity".

2011: 20 nominations, second win. "Not a good percentage."

The “In Memoriam” montage with Celine Dion singing “Smile” was bearable because it avoided the awkward lulls of applause when a less famous face appeared.

Amusing speech by The King’s Speech director Tom Hooper which blended the appreciation of his mother and reference to his “triangle of man love” with Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth.

Anne Hathaway – enjoyed her many wardrobe changes but there’s no need to ask her back as an Oscar host. Her behavior better fit hosting “Saturday Night Live”.

Colin Firth’s speech was the usual self deprecating witty British repartee you’d expect. Wonder if it was rehearsed or truly off-the-cuff?

The finale of school children singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” with the award winners was touching.

To wrap up: good movies with weak hosting by Anne Hathaway and James Franco.

Again I say, no need for the musical presentations.

Looking forward to watching this week’s episode of “Fashion Police” with Joan Rivers.

Good night, good people out there in The Intranet.

A surprising realization

It's Carnival season in Louisiana, I've been invited to many balls and parties and nothing about it appeals to me. While I love fashion, enjoy looking at formal wear and love shopping for a pretty evening bag and shoes, it took me thirty years to realize I don't enjoy dressing up.

A few years ago, Ernest and Eileen opted for a black tie wedding and Ernest informed his oldest friends he fully expected us to fulfill the example set by Carnival krewe requirements. When adhering to the black tie and formal gown decree, it means gowns to the floor. In this neck of the South, we've all heard the stories of ladies being being turned away from a ball because their dress was not a gown.
So, c'mon, Ernest, no cocktail dresses? No. But you know some women will show up in a short cute cocktail dress? Ernest stood firm, "no friend of his didn't understand the dress code". I enjoyed the evening and loved seeing our friends in their finery but it was that night I realized I never wanted to wear a formal gown again. As part girly girl and part tomboy, it was a disappointment and a shock to finally be truthful to myself. I liked helping sis Rikki Tikki Tavi select her formal accessories but the closest I want to get to the formals is staying home in my pjs to watch the Oscar pre-show and fashion recaps with Joan Rivers.

When I heard guys say they don't like wearing a tux, I used to chalk them up as socially inept or redneck but I get it now.

Watching the Oscars in pj pants and T-shirt,
and judging other's coiffure and garb,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

How to accept an Oscar

First of all, if you are up for an Oscar award, make every effort to be in the category of lone performers but if not possible, attempt to perform the said job alone because if you are a member of a winning team, there is a good chance you'll never get close to the microphone. It amazes me that those gobsmacked idiots on the back row aren't sprinting to the stage. Run, I tell ya, grab that mic and get on it.
Let's just suppose that I were one of a five member team and we were one of four teams nominated so that's a 25% chance of winning. My control freak tendencies would be activated and there would most definitely be a rehearsal of our acceptance and I would go first, of course. A witty rehearsed speech, song or at least a rhyme would guarantee the avoidance of the orchestra playing us out. A few years ago, a team of guys mentioned a website address and said an acceptance speech had been previously recorded and their webmaster was instructed to post it if they won. That's planning and pro-active thinking, my friend.
If the back row teams don't have enough organization or wherewithal to plan for a win, perhaps 45 seconds, a dead microphone and a shameful rising of music is what they deserve. Forget that I said anything.
Now judging those groups and no longer feeling sorry for them,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

Oscar 2010 recap

I skipped last year's Oscar recap because I was on St. Charles Avenue in New Orleans catching beads during last year's Carnival weekend and almost skipped this year because it was so doggone boring. Feel free to check out previous year's reports for more entertainment.
Let's just start off with a Why The Hell? The Neil Patrick Harris opening number with the Bugsy Berkley dance was stupid stoopid, overworked and completely unnecessary as was the godawful interpretive dance session that gives all award shows a bad name. No wonder the show goes so long!
Jack Nicholson is usually the overworked go-to live audience shot but with his absence this year (plus Brad and Angie), there seemed to be a dedicated George Clooney camera to record his every reaction, laugh, forehead crease and eye wrinkle.
Lots of chiffon dresses with voluminous fabric, some pretty and some not necessarily flattering. Demi Moore's dress was really pretty but the color was wrong.

Sandra Bullock looked very glamorous and her dress looked better on stage than the red carpet. More silvery and shimmery.


Sandra's acceptance speech for winning Best Actress for her role in The Blind Side was touching and humorous. She acknowledged "the moms that take care of the babies and the children, no matter where they come from. Those moms and parents never get thanked" which was her role in the movie but perhaps a personal thought since she and husband Jesse James are raising his daughter from his sometimes jailed porn star ex.

Geez Louise, the music was so horrible. The orchestra played Helen Reddy's "I Am Woman" when the first ever female (Kathryn Bigelow) won Best Director for Hurt Locker. Really? Helen Fuckin' Reddy?

Shakin' my head and going to bed because I stayed way too late last night for no good reason.

Oscar 2008 Review

Hello All!
Greetings from SkitzoLeezra!

Pre-show thoughts:

Merv Griffin once stated that large heads work well for television. If true, someone get John Travolta his own show because that man is sporting a huuuuge melon! Perhaps the size is amplified due to his spray-on hairline.

Hal Halbrook looks like every cranky old man villain on Scooby Doo.

Miley Cyrus has a weird smirk/smile and I hope that her bright future includes dental braces.

Lisa Rinna wisely stuck to nude color lipstick on that face labia of hers.

Viggo Mortenson was unrecognizable.

Had to mute the pre-show with Lisa Rinna and that Joey the Ass Clown Fatone. Ugh, somebody bring back Joan, sans Melissa!

Keri Russell will age well, mark my words.

Jennifer Garner is pretty, as usual.

Jennifer Hudson - RACK-a-rama!

Everyone must now stop using the word "bling". Just stop.

Helen Mirren, pretty in red and ecru lace gown. Love her smooth cute bob.

Faye Dunaway is a good looking old broad but maybe a bit too long hair, too tight clothing? Your call.

Write it down, Calista Flockheart and Harrison Ford give me the vibe of a couple on the verge of a split. You heard it here first.

Gary Busey was good to confuse Lisa Rinna with questions about herself. I think he planned to throw off her whole rhythm with self absorption.

Heidi Klum is wearing red yet again. What is it, third year in a row?

Cameron Diaz might be a bit too minimal with no gloss, no jewels, no coif. Your call.

Michael Moore seems to have morphed into a large pelican. Lots of fish in that chin pouch.

Okay, Oscar ceremony:

Daniel Day Lewis and Johnny Depp, you should know that the last celebrity spotted chewing gum at the Oscars was Heath Ledger. Something to think about.

Jon Stewart is more relaxed this time around. Good job.

Brad Bird had a funny acceptance speech.

Ugh, the musical performances! This is what gives award shows a bad name. How's about short clips from the film?!

I don't understand Cate Blanchett's gown. The beading in the middle, what is that? And the glitz on the skirt?

Alright guys, if you approach steps with no handrail along with a gal wearing high heels and a long flowing gown, it is CORRECT to extend a steadying hand. Your mothers taught you better.

Enjoy the past winner compilation clips.

TiVo, my life partner, lets me enjoy frame-by-frame reactions.

Owen Wilson's nose reminds me of Joe Camel's. Wonder about receiving oral sex from him . . . .

Ugh, more Bee shit? Jerry Seinfeld is like a freaking carnival barker with that overhyped movie.

Winners, RUN down that damn aisle! Your time is running out!

No way Tilda Swinton had any idea that she would win. Otherwise, she might have applied a swipe of lip gloss or put on earrings. Cute speech.

That French chick Marion Cotillard - awwwww, great thoughts.

From 1928, I have seen 62 of the 80 best pictures. Wow. Have missed 5 since 2000.

Renee Zellwegger's cute short 'do makes me wanna grab the scissors and start snipping my hair. Oh, I remembered the Louisiana humidity. Nevermind.

Nicole Kidman looks good for a 60 year old broad. Except that she is 41. Yikes. Too stiff, too tight, too preternaturally coiffed.

Nice eulogy words for folks that have passed on - "their work is done".

My work here is done. Please post YOUR thoughts.

Oscar 2007 Review

Leezra coming at ya with this year's red carpet and Oscar review. And riding the top of the current fashion trend, I am wearing vintage this year. Yep, a super old and super soft t-shirt and pajama pants.

Red Carpet Pre-Show:

I don't care for Ryan Seacrest but barring an anal gerbil infection, I fear he will be with us for a loooong time. He'll be around for as long as his maker Dick Clark.

Commercial aside, 'fro headed M&M characters cause my throat to constrict. Hair and candy? Not a good combination.

I am so over black gowns but Maggie Gyllenhall looked good and her honey Peter Saarsgard seemed less than his usual creepy self.

E's yenta Giuliana DePandi implied that Ryan Seacrest is the Queen of E! A genius, she is.

Paul Haggis caused another throat constriction when I consider the definition of his last name.
"A Scottish dish consisting of a mixture of the minced heart, lungs, and liver of a sheep or calf mixed with suet, onions, oatmeal, and seasonings and boiled in the stomach of the slaughtered animal." Those hair and candy covered chocolates seem more appealing now.

Not so sure I like the menswear trend of the lower button with more shirt showing. Who said that a thin tie makes you look thinner? Not buying it.

Al Gore looks like a fat ass wax mannequin. His face is so puffy that he is turning Japanese. I really think so.

Pretty hair on Portia di Rossi. And that Catherine Deneuve is one classy broad. I wanted to say something ugly about J. Lo but I guess her stylist finally got her way and made J. Lo dress nicely.

Why the hell is Elizabeth Shue there? Should I care?

Cameron Diaz as a brunette - good. With orange skin - not so good.

Penelope Cruz was very pretty in dusty pink. Now imagine the same dress in white as a bridal gown. Awesome. Did Penelope's eyes seem just a little f'ed up?

Rachel Weisz is her usual glam self but must say, again, to the ladies, if your gown has glitz, you should refrain from competing jewelry. As Oscar de la Renta always instructed, never mix your costume jewelry with the real thing.

Jennifer Hudson is doing a fabulous job as a newcomer by charming everyone and not trying to hard, fashion-wise.

Helen Mirren looks stunning and has a nice rack for an older dame.

Reese Witherspoon looks like a 20 year old hottie. You go, home squirrel! Dumping that androgynous husband did the trick.

Why is Jessica Biel there? Do I care? Attractive pink dress, stupid patent leather belt, weird hair.

Count 'em. Three yellow gowns, each more ugly than the next. Female escorts of Eddie Murphy and Forest Whitaker in yellow. But the worst goes to Jada Pinkett Smith's shiny mustard abortion of a dress with the awkward bodice darts and too-tight fit. How do you say in French? C'est horrible. Evening wear and the color yellow should never collide. Oops, missed one. Naomi Watts in pale yellow, quite reminiscent in similar dress worn by Kate Blanchett a couple Oscars ago. Blah.

Kirsten Dunst is a tough call. Chanel? Good. Red lips? Good. The whole look? Just didn't jive though it wasn't horrible. Did the neckline seem matronly? Is it the pale grey gown with blonde hair? Or is just that it seemed like she raided her mother's closet for couture but kept a juvenile old hair 'do?

Kate Blanchett looked fabby poo poo poo in her gunmetal grey beaded gown though I would have appreciated sleeker hair.

Kate Winslet - too pale: hair, dress, cheeks, lipstick. C'mon, Seventeen magazine 101: pick a focal point, keep everything else neutral.

I covet Beyonce's hair. Dress, not so much.

I anticipate Meryl Streep will be slammed for wearing her bohemian jewelry but it is her, plus she looks better than usual. Baby steps, people.

Nicole Kidman worked that red Balenciaga dress like only she can.

Wonder what bet Kelly Preston lost? Why else would she wear such a hateful rag as that leopard print dress usually seen on a Chalmettian bridesmaid?

Sasha Baron Cohen is some handsome. Yum.

Jackie Earle Haley is America's new favorite comeback story, along with Jennifer Hudson.

Dunno who Anika Noni Rose is but her sequin gown was very striking against her skin tone.

Academy Award Show:

Loved the nominee video introduction.
Loved the standing nominees in the audience. Hope that becomes a new tradition.

Ellen is funny but who told her those white shoes were a good idea?

With an egg cooking on my bare face, maybe I will be one asshole with seared retinas and permanent sunburn when I finally become a global warming believer. Perhaps because I remember the 1970's era Time magazine warning of the coming world freeze. But what a joy it will be to laugh at the Henny Penny global alarmists if, indeed, I am right. Think I will do my part to help them prove their point by filling up the pick-up with gasoline, leaving the gas cap slightly open, pumping the air conditioner full blast and maintaining an average speed of 90 m.p.h.

Okay, we are 1 hour and 23 mintes into the show before we have our first entertaining moment. William Monahan mentions "Valium does work."

Is the orchestra playing each movie's theme song when they win? If so, I cannot tell because it all sounds alike.

Welsh Corgi sighting in the costume diaroma!

Robert Downey, Jr. with another funny moment.

Jerry Seinfeld said what we all know. All those documentaries are incredibly depressing movies.

Celine Dion - if I don't say anything about her, can I just pretend she wasn't there?

Diane Keaton actually looks good. Give her stylist a raise for wrestling Diane to the ground and forcing a dress onto her body and coiffing her hair.

Helen Mirren's win and film clip gave us another Welsh Corgi sighting. Four cuties!

Al Gore - the inconvenient truth is that if you had carried your OWN STATE, you would be President. The folks that knew you best could not pull a lever for you. Now shut your hole.

Can Leo DiCaprio look too good? Seriously. He is so slick and severe I cannot decide if it is good or a bit costume-like.

Anne Hathaway - a classic beauty.

Very nicely orchestrated presentation to Martin Scorsese by fellow directors. Best camera shot of the evening was Marty in the wings when The Departed won Best Picture.

Oscar topic of the day:
What the hell was Philip Seymour Hoffman's drug combination of choice? Vicadin and cough syrup? Gasoline huffing and Guyana KoolAid? MarksALot & alcohol?
Your homework: Check out the movie Love Liza where he plays a strung-out gasoline huffer.

Oscar 2006 Review

Hello All you Beautiful People out there in TV land! This is Skitzo Leezra coming to you from the Pottery Barn slipcovered sofa here in Louisiana. Tonight I am lucky enough to wear stolen hospital scrubs and a freebie Rock 101.3 KKGB all cotton t-shirt. That's right, just like the celebrities, I didn't pay a thing for my ensemble.

The opening montage began with the overworked line from "The Wizard of Oz" but it recovered. And if you have a t-shirt/bumper sticker/bullshit item with Oz on it, get rid of it, it is stupid. You get a free pass if you are gay.

Though I like Jon Stewart, I have no illusions that he will be a great resenter. Ugh, I am cringing as he falters in the beginning.

It must be an easy day at the office for the cameraman if Jack Nicholson is in the audience. They cut to him as many times as the freaking snakes on Survivor. Too obvious, too trite.

Nicole Kidman looked as good as I have seen her in a coon's age. Hair was pretty and natural, face not so tight and the whole look was pretty and uncontrived.



Paul Giamatti appeared to be wearing a merkin on his face. What's a merkin, you ask? A pubic wig. You heard me.

George Clooney gave a nice speech. He is almost the next Cary Grant.

Lots of gowns in nude/champagne tone. Nicole Kidman, Reese, Uma and Jennifer Garner (nice rack). Naomi also but it didn't look so hot on her.

Congrats to Reese. John's Nana called it. She predicted that Reese would win. I saw "Walk the Line" Saturday night and really enjoyed it. Would happily raid the wardrobe department for June Carter's threads.

Wallace & Gromit folks gave a nice touch with the coordinating bowties.

Dolly Parton - how many times does a girl from the holler get to perform at the Academy Awards? How's about a skirt? You opted for pants? I now see how your look has influenced years of Playboy models and wannabe sexpots but you are aging well and though I don't dig your music, I like your personae.

Jennifer Aniston - I am SO over black dresses but you look nice.

Russell Crowe actually appears to have taken a bath but his eyes looked a little fucked up. Baby steps.

Steve Carrell & Will Ferrell's make up trick was funny. Did you notice that they both had pretty greige colored ties?

Glad the Academy did away with in-the-aisle presentations.

Rachel Adams - great yellow sequined dress, if you were in a Fanta commercial.

Frances McDormand - Sissy Spacek called and she wants her look back.

Rachel Weisz was a good actress in a shit movie. I gotta confess now. I gave it a good review because I wanted everyone else to lose $7 and 2 hours on that horrible movie.

Felt bad for Lauren Bacall when flubbing her lines. Wish she would have said something profane and flipped the bird. The show needed it.

I love me some TiVo. Nominees reactions are slo-moed.

Charlize Theron - I remember your single puff-sleeve AJ Bari dress except the first time I saw it was in 1982 when I wore it to my prom 'cept it was peach moire taffeta.

Enjoyed the penguins on stage but maybe because there was so little entertainment.

Whew, I was nervous when J-Lo was on stage talking about music and SO relieved that she did not sing.

Salma Hayek - I was wondering what the hell "a regional score" was when I realized she meant "original score". Ohhhh, got it now.

Heath Ledger - did I spy you chewing GUM? Again, I say, it is not appropriate in church, it is not appropriate for the Oscars. Buy some couth, already.

King Kong dudes - way to choreograph speeches in allotted time. Good job.

I got a feeling that one of those Oscars will find itself welded to a car hood soon.

How novel of Gavin Hood to reference his website for thank yous.

Ziho Zhang's full ball gown was pretty.

So far no political speeches. Thank you.

Can I just say that I like the haunting melody of "Brokeback Mountain" soundtrack?

All in all, pretty boring. I fast forwarded thru the Pimp Song but reckon that was the big excitement of the night.

Over to you, Pink!


Hello Oscar-ites,
Greetings from Pink!

I have to admit, I only watched the first hour & was bored---pace was far too slow. The audience diidn't have the usual buzz which makes me look forward to the program.

As much as l like Jon Stewart, it also pained me at times to watch him. Perhaps just virgin-Oscar jitters -- his, not mine.

I guess I've lived in Florida too long--I liked Rachel Adams' dress & the Fanta chicks!! So there!

Rachel Weisz was my favorite of the night -- radiant, gracious & quick acceptance
speech.

George Clooney - hubba-hubba!

Sandra Bullock is always a favorite. Thank God most of the presentation was left to her & not Keanu. He sounds like English isn't even his second language.

If I were accepting an award, I'd want "Jaaaack" to be my presenter.

Ditto to the sentiments on J-Lo not singing & not talking very much in her fake-girly falsetto. Anyone catch her-finger-pulling her skirt as she flowed across stage? Betcha she practiced that in front of the mirror.

Morgan Freeman-sans tie is a great look for an after-hours work party, but this IS the Oscars!!

Salma was charming. Notice they assigned her that catagory because no one else can pronounce "Santolalla", nor any other names in that group.

Let's go to Ralph now.
Pink is over and out!

Ralph here, though I don't have the detailed recollection of Miss Leezra, I will try.

While I missed Jon Stewart's poor opening showing, I liked the way he balanced his humor and didn't stick to all things political.

For the criticisms: too many montages. What was the purpose of the "Film Noir" montage? Oh, "Film Noir" is a significant genre. Wow, wouldn't have known that.

I thought Heath was predicted by many to be the next sexpot? Between the gum-chewing and that bad facial hair, he dropped several steps on that ladder.

Also, some of the major categories only had 3 nominations. They couldn't come up with at least 4?

Also, I thought it was a rule you had to wear a jacket. Wasn't it just a few years ago that they made the guy who accepted the Oscar for Eminem to wear a jacket over his Phillies jersey?

Also, I echo I am so glad that J-Lo didn't sing. Her ship is quickly following that of Britney Spears, just at a slower rate...a has-been that never was at an early age.

For the good stuff...

I don't care if Charlize Theron wore a Catholic school girl uniform...she is
stunningly beautiful. (Hmm...I might actually like her in that outfit.)

My heart went out to Lauren Bacall. I think they need to make that print bigger on those teleprompters.

I usually don't like Lily Tomlin, but her and Meryl Streep did a great job with crossing up each other's dialog.

Altman acceptance speech was very good. I love the bit about getting the heart transplant.

Even as he as aged, George Clooney has kept his boyish charm. It makes him very likable.

Ditto on the good job of Gavin Hood to recognize his website.

Jennifer A, Selma H, Charlize T, and Reese are all beautiful women. All different types, but all are high on the Ralph scale. The other is Catherine Keener. Not in those ladies class, but something about her makes her a Ralph-girl.

I saw "Capote" and Philip Seymour Hoffman did do a great job.

My favorite acceptance speech was Reese's. All the people she thanked, and then thanked Joaquan Phoenix on top of it. Exhuded class and sincerity to me.

Back to you!!!