Hurricane Gustav

To all of you who inquired (and Ernest),

Folks from far and wide were evacuating through our area. Stopped by my local convenience store when I saw a caravan of cars pulling into the parking lot. I noticed that their license plates were from out of the area and they all piled out. Thinking they were lost, I lingered and waited for their approach but they didn't. And I kinda felt bad that I took this photo but it touched me.

Along with my sister Rikki Tikki Tavi and her brats, I went to Houston to accept the most gracious hospitality of Kay. The best kind of evacuation house offer? The kind where the owner isn't home! That way, you don't feel like you are in the way and they don't fuss over your every need. PLUS, you can root through their stuff before they get home! Right, people?
Houston received no rain but the brats were bored so we visited what I call the Third Tier of Hell aka The Children's Museum. THAT was the worst part of whole trip. The best part was Walter allowed me to face paint him. A nice curvy mustache and goatee. He drew the line at bushy evil eyebrows. Those stupid ass kids with butterflies and such on their faces - pansies, I tell ya.
Our home area had some wind and localized power outage of an hour or so. Happy to report that no alcoholic beverages were harmed by Gustav.
Mallys asked if I was pro-active and pre-dug my meat hole. Well, she is MUCH smarter than I because I never once considered a pre-dig! A scratch here and there but not a dig.
Someone mentioned this morning that 2 more hurricanes are out there. I don't know anything about them and ask that you not share information with me. La LA la la la.
Happy to be home,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

Get in your Fraidy Hole

This report from my buddy Lynn:

Living in North Alabama, you become accustomed to the hundreds of severe thunderstorm warnings, tornado warnings and tornado watches. Here in Trinity, AL, we are lucky enough to be in "tornado alley" and know the drills all too well. If you live in the city limits you are lucky enough to have sirens going off at all hours of the day and night. But if you live outside the city limits.....the country to some...you have to rely on television weather reports and your handy weather radio. After sleeping through a tornado that touched down less than a mile from us as few weeks ago, we invested in one of those horrible little weather radios. It sounds a deafening alarm to alert you of even a thunderstorm. While I am happy to have something to wake me up (I am the only one that hears this deafening alarm), I really don't care about thunderstorms. I just want to know when I need to be listening for something that sounds like a "TRAIN"!!!

On Saturday night, we were having a round of severe weather. We were still awake and watching television, so we watched and listened intently for instructions from Dan Satterfield AKA Dan the Man, the local meteorologist. Like any weatherman, he was just beside himself. He had Doppler this and Doppler that, 3-D imagery from inside the storm cell, maps that could track its exact time of arrival on your street to within 15 seconds. Now Dan the Man is know around here for always alerting the kids that might be home alone as to what they should do. He always instructs them to get their "helments" on (football, bike, hockey, it doesn't matter what kind) and get in the bathtub. When he says, "Kids, get your helments on and get in the bathtub", you know it is serious business. Well, Saturday night at 11:30pm, when no children should be up watching the weather, Dan the Man instructs us to do something new!!!

Dan the Man announces," Everyone, get your shoes on and go get in your "Fraidy Hole!" My what? I looked at Donald and asked, "Did he just say Fraidy Hole?" Yep. Fraidy Hole. What the hell is your Fraidy Hole? Where is it located? Do we no longer put on our helments since we are gonna put on shoes instead? Did we miss the original episode that told us who, what, when, and where the Fraidy Hole is? Or was Dan the Man just have flashbacks from a childhood of molestation and the Fraidy Hole was his escape in his mind? Who knows? Fortunately, the tornado did not touch down in our area, because none of us new where the hell the Fraidy Hole was.

Signing off to find my Fraidy Hole,
I am,
Lynn in Alabammy


Ernest said:
"The Fraidy Hole....that's easy. It's right out back just to the left of the Meat Hole."

Me? I thought it was half past a monkey's ass.

Rita Evacuation & Aftermath

Hello Good People!

Well, we evacuated on Thursday to travel north to Natchitoches, Louisiana. The usual 2 hour trip took 10 hours. 120 miles away and we still had powerful winds, downed trees and electricity outages.

My front yard tree is down but no loss, it was a stupid looking tree anyhow. Lots of shingles off my roof, now in the pool. Sections of the fence are down. One very yucky water stain on the living room ceiling where the attic vent cover blew off and rain fell directly into the house. Luckily, no water damage to furniture or carpet. Power has been off for 10 days now.

This single girl lost condiments only as there were no food stuffs in the 'frig. The frozen vodka has suffered. I found a home for the room temperature beer.

The FEMA folks handed out MREs, ice and water here in our area of Louisiana. Woo hoo! Good looking military boys handing out ice! My brother Rollo asked them if they ever sang "ice, ice, baby" but the young Army buck said that he had too much self respect to sing Vanilla Ice tunes while performing his assigned duties.

I foolishly stayed in my house Monday evening thinking I would catch a breeze through the open window. Um, no. I sweat my balls off. Ya know how a big dog cools off by submerging in a water filled laundry tub? That was me. Rollo hooked up a generator and window unit and we were able to sleep in front of it for 3 nights before I shagged my ass to Houston to enjoy air conditioning and restaurants and ice. God bless Danielle for providing hospitality!

Our city advised us to bury any thawed meat products. Rollo and I had many a laugh about his "meat hole" and how much time it took to pack it and we wondered if it were somehow wrong to place cheese in your meat hole. Lots of sweating over the meat hole, I tell ya.

Good riddance to Rita.
The only 'ritas were like are MARGARITAS!

Pack your meat holes!

Right after our hurricane, I heard on the radio that our fair mayor asked all homeowners to dispose of rotting food by digging a meat hole in their yard. He further said that it was permissible to place cheese in your meat hole. And eggs, if your meat hole is large enough. It is okay to have a both a front meat hole and a back meat hole. That is, for your front yard and backyard.
My brother Rollo dug a large hole for his rancid meat and he said it was so hot that he actually perspired into his meat hole. Then he packed it so much that his meat hole was mounded. (Now, eight months later, the meat hole is just now getting level.) The neighbor Pete recommended lime for the meat hole but I find that I like lemon best. For those keeping a kosher household, separate the meat from the dairy in two different meat holes.
And keep an eye out for dogs, they'll be rootin' around your meat hole if you don't watch out.