Happened upon a couple funny blogs dedicated to the angst of having a horrible mother-in-law. Check out The Devil's Daughter-in-Law and Mother In Chronicles for a dose of vitriol.
It is amusing to laugh at other's in-law foibles but really, I cannot relate. Having never been married and a bit older, I cannot fathom someone making my life miserable without my permission. The one mistake I can discern is women, eager to please their husband and wanting approval from his mother, do not set boundaries about inappropriate behavior from the beginning, years pass and bad habits are set.
Oh My Gosh, I would have FUN jackin' with a hateful mother-in-law. I would yank her chain just like I do with drunks. I've had ALL these YEARS to come up with scenarios and smart ass quips.
And I am SO good with saying, "Why are you telling me this? You know that I'll never get the last 5 minutes of my life back and I don't care about your next door neighbor's daughter's children blah blah blah."
Listening to Jay Thomas dismiss people in a rude but somehow funny manner has been my inspiration. Last week he told a caller, "Look, I know you're a parapalegic and all, but I am going to hang up now because frankly, I'm bored." And the caller laughed and thanked Jay and said he loved the show. That, my friend is pure talent.
I insult folks but haven't gotten the knack of having them still like me afterwards.
Future mother-in-laws? Watch your back because I got nuthin' but untapped rage looking for a target.
Showing posts with label in-law. Show all posts
Showing posts with label in-law. Show all posts
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Let the in-law angst begin!
Dawn sent me this e-mail of venting:
I need to vent about my mother-in-law if you care to listen. I'm just friggin amazed at these people! I think I'd already told you about my wonderful husband Andrew driving all the way to North Carolina to pick up his mother who'd changed her mind and decided she didn't want to come, right? So he ended up driving back home alone. Well, she's here now because Andrew's rich and important brother-in-law drove up to get her in his big, fancy car which his mother apparently found suitable enough for her Highness. Two days later, Andrea (Andrew's rich and important sister) phones Andrew and tells him that he needs to drive their mom back home after the holidays. I told Andrew if he did drive her home, I would divorce him. What kind of jerk picks someone up and doesn't figure out how they are getting them home before they do it???? SO, The Byatch is here and she went to lunch with Andrew and Andrea, his dog-loving sister. I couldn't go because I committed to attend a Christmas party that day and wasn't cancelling. Plus, I don't like his mother or his dog-loving sister. Both of whom are downers. Andrew told me later that his mom said that I am "all about money" and "unappreciative because everything she's ever given me I've returned". I have no idea where these ideas came from. Was it the 13 years of living in a home without heat? The 10 year old squeaky truck, or the Wal-Mart clothes????? This being stated while the woman is dripping in diamonds and gold. Plus, I've never returned not one of her presents and have written her thank you cards every year lying about how much I loved whatever crappy dime store junk she bought me! She also said at the end of lunch, "Please thank Dawn for taking the time out of her busy schedule to come see me" (I'm picturing it being said in sort of a Queen Elizabeth fashion). The dog lover Andrea chimes in that she's not getting Andrew anything for Christmas because last year she gave us a movie gift card and we never used it. I'm almost positive that I did use it but if I didn't, I'm wondering if she's psycho enough to have periodically checked the balance on it. Either way, she's a whack job! OH, and his mother made a comment about how disappointed she was that neither Andrew nor the other brother Anton had a suitable home for her to stay in when she's in town. Understandably, that was a dig on Andrew's 10-year "renovation" but Anton's house was literally blown away in the hurricane! I'm not lying, down to the SLAB! What an insensitive cow! Plus, what she doesn't know is that no matter how suitable our home is, there will never be enough room in it for her to stay!
Whew, that felt good to get off my chest. Thanks for listening. Anyway, that's pretty much all the Christmas drama. Any with you?
-----------------------------------------------------------
My counsel to her:
Gee D,
No drama here. Guess it is the lack of in-laws.
I am just in awe that this woman drops all this crap and no one seems to call her on it. Did Andrew tell you these things in the attitude of "get a load of what my crazy mom said"? Or was he looking to you to say "yes, it is okay for you to drive her home"?
She is a bully. She gets away with it because no one bucks her.
Give me her phone number. I am ready to perform a boxing of the ears, via phone lines.
Will you see her while she is in town? Here are some phrases to practice:
* Why do you ask?
* What an interesting thing to say.
* Do you really feel that way?
* Wow, do you realize how that sounds?
* Oh, you are SO funny! (when she says something completely untrue)
* Are you being so sarcastic? You were serious? Wow.
* Mother Theresa - you ain't.
* You know we can hear you, right?
* Better hope I am not the one that selects your nursing home, you miserable crone. (say this in a whisper)
* Start the discussion about how no matter how much plastic surgery a lady gets, her hands always give her away. Mention that even if a woman's face looks like Heather Locklear, you know she is old if she has crow hands. Then sit there while she surreptitiously looks at her own hands. Then giggle. Let her catch your giggling. Then give her the stink eye.
* Bring up the nursing home comment again.
* Repeat the stink eye.
Hoping that I have been an assistance to you,
The very single,
and very happy,
but ready to go ape shit on your mother-in-law,
SkitzoLeezra
I need to vent about my mother-in-law if you care to listen. I'm just friggin amazed at these people! I think I'd already told you about my wonderful husband Andrew driving all the way to North Carolina to pick up his mother who'd changed her mind and decided she didn't want to come, right? So he ended up driving back home alone. Well, she's here now because Andrew's rich and important brother-in-law drove up to get her in his big, fancy car which his mother apparently found suitable enough for her Highness. Two days later, Andrea (Andrew's rich and important sister) phones Andrew and tells him that he needs to drive their mom back home after the holidays. I told Andrew if he did drive her home, I would divorce him. What kind of jerk picks someone up and doesn't figure out how they are getting them home before they do it???? SO, The Byatch is here and she went to lunch with Andrew and Andrea, his dog-loving sister. I couldn't go because I committed to attend a Christmas party that day and wasn't cancelling. Plus, I don't like his mother or his dog-loving sister. Both of whom are downers. Andrew told me later that his mom said that I am "all about money" and "unappreciative because everything she's ever given me I've returned". I have no idea where these ideas came from. Was it the 13 years of living in a home without heat? The 10 year old squeaky truck, or the Wal-Mart clothes????? This being stated while the woman is dripping in diamonds and gold. Plus, I've never returned not one of her presents and have written her thank you cards every year lying about how much I loved whatever crappy dime store junk she bought me! She also said at the end of lunch, "Please thank Dawn for taking the time out of her busy schedule to come see me" (I'm picturing it being said in sort of a Queen Elizabeth fashion). The dog lover Andrea chimes in that she's not getting Andrew anything for Christmas because last year she gave us a movie gift card and we never used it. I'm almost positive that I did use it but if I didn't, I'm wondering if she's psycho enough to have periodically checked the balance on it. Either way, she's a whack job! OH, and his mother made a comment about how disappointed she was that neither Andrew nor the other brother Anton had a suitable home for her to stay in when she's in town. Understandably, that was a dig on Andrew's 10-year "renovation" but Anton's house was literally blown away in the hurricane! I'm not lying, down to the SLAB! What an insensitive cow! Plus, what she doesn't know is that no matter how suitable our home is, there will never be enough room in it for her to stay!
Whew, that felt good to get off my chest. Thanks for listening. Anyway, that's pretty much all the Christmas drama. Any with you?
-----------------------------------------------------------
My counsel to her:
Gee D,
No drama here. Guess it is the lack of in-laws.
I am just in awe that this woman drops all this crap and no one seems to call her on it. Did Andrew tell you these things in the attitude of "get a load of what my crazy mom said"? Or was he looking to you to say "yes, it is okay for you to drive her home"?
She is a bully. She gets away with it because no one bucks her.
Give me her phone number. I am ready to perform a boxing of the ears, via phone lines.
Will you see her while she is in town? Here are some phrases to practice:
* Why do you ask?
* What an interesting thing to say.
* Do you really feel that way?
* Wow, do you realize how that sounds?
* Oh, you are SO funny! (when she says something completely untrue)
* Are you being so sarcastic? You were serious? Wow.
* Mother Theresa - you ain't.
* You know we can hear you, right?
* Better hope I am not the one that selects your nursing home, you miserable crone. (say this in a whisper)
* Start the discussion about how no matter how much plastic surgery a lady gets, her hands always give her away. Mention that even if a woman's face looks like Heather Locklear, you know she is old if she has crow hands. Then sit there while she surreptitiously looks at her own hands. Then giggle. Let her catch your giggling. Then give her the stink eye.
* Bring up the nursing home comment again.
* Repeat the stink eye.
Hoping that I have been an assistance to you,
The very single,
and very happy,
but ready to go ape shit on your mother-in-law,
SkitzoLeezra
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