It don't make no sense

Devil's food cake.
What the hell is it, really?
It's not chocolate but it's brown. A better name might be Devil's Asshole.
Okay, next.
Red Velvet Cake: also stoopid. Guess what it's made of? Devil's Food cake and red food coloring.
The only good use of Red Velvet Cake is a bleeding armadillo a la the Steel Magnolia's groom cake.


And for the record, carrot cake should not taste like a spice cake.
And coconut should not be hidden. Coconut should be announced with the icing or cake embellishment. I do not enjoy biting into a cake and spitting out the devil's toenails. But I will.

Oscars 2011

“Why didn’t I lose that twenty pounds?” –Robert Stromberg

Which Academy genius suggested Kurt Douglas as presenter? Why not have Dick Clark join him as a co-presenter? Oh, my gosh, you’re breaking the first rule of show biz: leave them wanting more.

Best supporting presenting actress Melissa Leo - loved her genuine surprise, awkwardness and her live television F-bomb.

Justin Timberlake isn’t nearly as cute as he thinks he is. Not even close.

Why are Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem presenting together in matching ecru tuxedos? The look seems too unique to be accidental.

Randy Newman – witty, as usual.

2001: first win after nominated 15 times. "I don't need your pity".

2011: 20 nominations, second win. "Not a good percentage."

The “In Memoriam” montage with Celine Dion singing “Smile” was bearable because it avoided the awkward lulls of applause when a less famous face appeared.

Amusing speech by The King’s Speech director Tom Hooper which blended the appreciation of his mother and reference to his “triangle of man love” with Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth.

Anne Hathaway – enjoyed her many wardrobe changes but there’s no need to ask her back as an Oscar host. Her behavior better fit hosting “Saturday Night Live”.

Colin Firth’s speech was the usual self deprecating witty British repartee you’d expect. Wonder if it was rehearsed or truly off-the-cuff?

The finale of school children singing “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” with the award winners was touching.

To wrap up: good movies with weak hosting by Anne Hathaway and James Franco.

Again I say, no need for the musical presentations.

Looking forward to watching this week’s episode of “Fashion Police” with Joan Rivers.

Good night, good people out there in The Intranet.

A surprising realization

It's Carnival season in Louisiana, I've been invited to many balls and parties and nothing about it appeals to me. While I love fashion, enjoy looking at formal wear and love shopping for a pretty evening bag and shoes, it took me thirty years to realize I don't enjoy dressing up.

A few years ago, Ernest and Eileen opted for a black tie wedding and Ernest informed his oldest friends he fully expected us to fulfill the example set by Carnival krewe requirements. When adhering to the black tie and formal gown decree, it means gowns to the floor. In this neck of the South, we've all heard the stories of ladies being being turned away from a ball because their dress was not a gown.
So, c'mon, Ernest, no cocktail dresses? No. But you know some women will show up in a short cute cocktail dress? Ernest stood firm, "no friend of his didn't understand the dress code". I enjoyed the evening and loved seeing our friends in their finery but it was that night I realized I never wanted to wear a formal gown again. As part girly girl and part tomboy, it was a disappointment and a shock to finally be truthful to myself. I liked helping sis Rikki Tikki Tavi select her formal accessories but the closest I want to get to the formals is staying home in my pjs to watch the Oscar pre-show and fashion recaps with Joan Rivers.

When I heard guys say they don't like wearing a tux, I used to chalk them up as socially inept or redneck but I get it now.

Watching the Oscars in pj pants and T-shirt,
and judging other's coiffure and garb,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

Puh-lease

Elizabeth and I decided today to hate pretentious women who call the room adjoining their kitchen "keeping rooms".
We love a butler's pantry, we dig gift wrap rooms and we both have a craft room/studio.

However.

Suburban chicks do not equal estate ladies.

While Elizabeth and I can totally admit to being snobby bitches, pretentious we are not. Nevuh.
Now don't you go thinking I approve of the term "den". Just no. Animals reside in dens.

Blogged from my hovel/pre-hoarder house,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

Dawn's Rant of the Day

Why is it considered a compliment for someone to tell you you've lost a "ton" of weight? All that communicates is that, at some point in the past, the person weighed more than a ton. What's wrong with "wow, you're looking terrific"? Specifics are not at all necessary in compliments.

And on that note, one shouldn't assume because a person goes to the gym every day that they are trying to lose weight. What if they're exactly where they want to be and trying to maintain?

Here's my advice for a pat response to "you look like you're losing weight" - -

"Really?!!! I'd better go see my doctor then. Golly, I hope I don't have cancer".

Then just walk away.

"Who's been writing on my banana?"

That was the voice of my Boss calling out from his office.

Huh?

"It says 'I'm not ready yet'. Which one of you is writing on my banana?"

The very mousy and very unassuming office manager piped up, "It was me. I didn't want you to eat a green banana."

(Who even knew she had a sense of humor?)

A couple days later, I hear The Boss call out, "My banana says 'Maybe tomorrow. Check back with me'. Is this a banana or a Magic 8-Ball?"

But, yesterday a little Coca~Cola came out my nose when I heard him read aloud, "My banana says 'Eat me now'."

Sure it does, Boss, sure it does.

This image was stolen

from Hey Lola's blog.

Unfiltered crap outta my head

If I hear of advertising sponsors canceling their spots for an upcoming television show, it's pretty much an automatic I'll check it out. Like NYPD Blue, back in the day. Sure, it might be marketing ploy but it gets my attention. The new MTV show Skins is a knock-off of the racy British teen series and begs the question: are sexy teenage story lines bad but slutty pregnant teens on 16 And Pregnant good? Like I tell my breeder friends: if I'm not invited to watch the conception, I don't wanna watch the delivery.


Once considered myself to be a semi-bad teen, what with the underage drinking, random and planned vandalism and smart ass mouthery but the older I become, the more I realize, compared to today's yout's, I was a model fucking citizen. Nary a one pregnancy, nor abortions, no rehab, no tattoos, no jail time, no experimentation with drugs, no school time shoot'em-ups.

Teachers should be a little nervous and wary of vengeful gun toting students. While most teachers are decent, we all know at least one power tripping horrible teacher who needed a serious ass kicking or at least a good scare.

And if you're a teacher or an educator, quit bitching about your pay.
You weren't drafted into the job, it's no secret your colleagues aren't paid well so stop acting like you just became aware of how little you earn. Amongst the academia on college campus, the education department is the least respected. If that is a new realization, sorry. Please, go pay more to your powerful and competent teacher's union because it makes lots of sense to pay into a system which has done absolutely zero for you. In fact, why not increase your union dues and watch for even better results? To hear a teacher gripe about their salary is my cue to question their intelligence and awareness.

Awesome customer service at Talbot's recently. Seriously, I was treated so courteously by their super helpful employees, it gave me faith in the revitalization of American economic system.

Leaving it on a positive note for today,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

In case you needed a reminder . . .

St.Elmo's Fire still sucks.
Why, oh, why did I watch it again after 25 years?
Not one sympathetic character, shit acting and who the fuck would even consider getting engaged for Chrysler LeBaron? Even if it were a convertible?
Not even gonna enumerate the weak characters because it's a further waste of my time but hoping to save you the angst of . . . well . . .

~~You're welcome~~

Word of the day

makes the 13 year old girl in my head giggle.

Crampon - I know it means metal spike attached to hiking footwear but my immaturity blends the words "cramps" and "tampon" then wonders why any man would wear them on their feet.

Rock on?
Hell to the no!
Crampon with your bad self.
Y'heard?