Family portrait in white

So SICK of seeing these unoriginal, much copied and stoopid family portraits! Everyone is dressed in white with a soft focus. Usually taken at the beach.


Everyone thinks their photo is so unique but they look like all the rest.
And I understand why the trend is popular. It is because most family portraits are posed and stiff or most folks look good except for the ass clown wearing a sports jersey or t-shirt.
White neutralizes your lack of taste.

But it has been done to death and it is time for it to stop. Wanna an original family portrait? Dress in Goth and pose at the beach. Take your sand pails to the cemetery. Go to the Nascar race in your Sunday best. Dress your kids like a hungover Lindsay Lohan, holding a jail sign under their chin.

And while we are at it, stop it with the kids in the washtubs. Stoopid. I blame Ann Geddes. Oh, how I hate cutesy.

Hurricane Ike at the cemetery

They say one of the benefits of living in Louisiana is that you may see your dead relatives after a hurricane. That's right, the coffins pop out of the ground if the water table rises. During hurricane Rita, some coffins were sucked out the ground and found 3 miles away. This eerie sight caught my big ole eyes. Some coffins pushed out of the ground, another filled with water and one pushed 50 yards away.





These photos illustrate how high the water went over the fence, dragging debris with it.

Hurricane Ike

This is what a hurricane does. Reduces your refrigerator to an ice chest with rapidly melting ice. But fret not, another ice chest is devoted to Coca-Cola and beer.

Hurricane Gustav

To all of you who inquired (and Ernest),

Folks from far and wide were evacuating through our area. Stopped by my local convenience store when I saw a caravan of cars pulling into the parking lot. I noticed that their license plates were from out of the area and they all piled out. Thinking they were lost, I lingered and waited for their approach but they didn't. And I kinda felt bad that I took this photo but it touched me.

Along with my sister Rikki Tikki Tavi and her brats, I went to Houston to accept the most gracious hospitality of Kay. The best kind of evacuation house offer? The kind where the owner isn't home! That way, you don't feel like you are in the way and they don't fuss over your every need. PLUS, you can root through their stuff before they get home! Right, people?
Houston received no rain but the brats were bored so we visited what I call the Third Tier of Hell aka The Children's Museum. THAT was the worst part of whole trip. The best part was Walter allowed me to face paint him. A nice curvy mustache and goatee. He drew the line at bushy evil eyebrows. Those stupid ass kids with butterflies and such on their faces - pansies, I tell ya.
Our home area had some wind and localized power outage of an hour or so. Happy to report that no alcoholic beverages were harmed by Gustav.
Mallys asked if I was pro-active and pre-dug my meat hole. Well, she is MUCH smarter than I because I never once considered a pre-dig! A scratch here and there but not a dig.
Someone mentioned this morning that 2 more hurricanes are out there. I don't know anything about them and ask that you not share information with me. La LA la la la.
Happy to be home,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

Big eyes

While my eyes aren't really big, I think I possess superior peripheral vision. I can sense movement, like a small snake in the pool. I can see a deer running through the woods. I can even spot a status symbol from 50 yards, or so my mom maintains. And though I have no desire to hunt animals, am thinking I would be a pretty good spotter. So I bragged the above to my dad. He got a bemused look on his face and explained to me that hunters don't usually have that kind of vision. Prey do.

Stupid crap that women do, a disclaimer

When you are single, never married and childless and dare to spout an opinion, stoopid folks will say that you couldn't possibly know what you are talking about since . . . And they may be right. But I don't have to be a proctologist to know that someone is full of shit.

Stupid crap that I have done? I'll admit to some but not all. Yes, I have actually asked, "what are you thinking?" but I claim that it was the 14 years old me and my boyfriend really did look like he was composing a thought.

But all you bitches out there that are hanging on to my every word thinking that your walk down the bridal aisle is just one more Skitzo Leezra blog entry away . . .you better hit the BACK button. I can tell ya how to get married: lower your standards.

Listen to my rants and you will find yourself alone with a fat cat and lots of time to do what the hell you want, when you want. And you may find that you refer to talk show hosts and book authors as your "boyfriends".

Once, in a bar, a guy yelled across the way to ask if I were a real redhead. I shouted back, "Shut the fuck up, you asshole!" My flabbergasted friend asked "Do you even WANT a boyfriend?!" She had no idea what the guy was really asking, dumb-ass that she was. (Blondes and redhead girls have been asked that question since puberty.) A co-worker once asked if I ever got lonely to which I replied, yeah, about once every month and a half. She wisely said that I should stay single until the lonely occurrence number went up substantially.

Bitches:
I've good information about what not to do.
Balance that with some good common sense.

Tyler Cowen, my book boyfriend

My book boyfriend linked to me! ~~swoon~~
Because he is more technologically astute than I, he already knew I was blogging about him!! AND he linked to me on his blog. WOoHOo!

Out of consideration, I sent him notice that I was linking to his academic web page.

Hi ya Tyler Cowen!
Loved reading your book and have mentioned it in my blog a few times; even referred to ya as my "book boyfriend". Don't worry!! I have a radio boyfriend, TV boyfriend, etc. Anywho, here's the link to blog entries about you, should you like to peruse.
Keep on keepin' on, I tell ya!
SkitzoLeezra

THEN I got this little love note from the illustrious Mr. Tyler Cowen:

Your blog is excellent and in fact just a few days ago I linked to your series of posts on me...so many others have seen it too. Keep up the blogging, I enjoy reading! Tyler

I am the happiest girl in the whole USA!

My book boyfriend says

Tyler Cowen, author of "Discover Your Inner Economist" and my book boyfriend of late, wrote that in the art world, there is a price hierarchy for animals. Paintings of purebred dogs cost more than a mongrel. Spaniels more than collies, etc. Here's the funny part: when it comes to game birds, the more expensive it is to shoot the bird, the more it adds to the value. Thus, a grouse is worth more than a mallard. Well, I gotta tell ya, for me, a plain old monkey is okay but give me an oil painting of a monkey in period clothing and maybe some head wear? Well, I am all over that.

Stupid crap that women do, 4

Marry too young.
Think of all the folks you know that married in their early twenties or even younger. Are they still married? I just mentally went through a list of friends and family that married young: Of 17 couples, 1 is still married. And I wonder about those folks you meet that married their high school sweetheart . . . thinking that a fair number of those are miserable but too scared to leave.
I wish young love the best but I don't hold much hope for them.

Bitches:
Because you see potential in your man, you marry with the hope and expectation that he will change.
Your man marries you hoping you will never change.

Words of wisdom from my book boyfriend

Tyler Cowen quotes economist Robert Hall,

"If you haven't ever missed a plane,

you spend too much time

waiting around in airports."