Wednesday, May 30, 2007

Take Care of Your Girlfriends

Ladies, I have long thought that you should cherish your girlfriends as well as nurture their friendships. Elevate them. Even above your honey or husband. You heard me. Let him THINK that he is the most important thing in the whole wide world but make sure your friends believe the same thing.
* you get engaged, it is your girlfriends that throw a shower, purchase the godawful dresses, show you a good time at the bachelorette (how I hate that word) party. They listen to your endless moaning about wedding plans.
* you move, girlfriends help you pack. Sure, men will do the heavy lifting but they will mar your grandmother's dining room table, drop the Fostoria tea cups and scratch the newly painted walls. Girlfriends take better care of your antiques, glassware and fragile items. (In fact, try NOT to use males unless completely necessary.)
* you are pregnant, girlfriends will tell every single boring/awful detail about their pregnancy but they will also include some helpful information. These same girls will give you yet another shower and all kinds of baby stuff like beds, strollers, maternity clothing, you name it.
* you are sick, they will go to the drugstore for you, clean your kitchen, and make sure your children have something good to eat. Your best friends know what you want while in the hospital, be it crossword puzzles, a Big Mac or illicit frozen daiquiri.
* you are depressed, girlfriends know when to commiserate and when to kick you in the ass. They will bring you chocolate and wine and maybe even share pharmaceuticals. (Remember: what goes around, comes around.)
* you have a birthday, girlfriends know if you want to celebrate it and which number you are claiming.
* when you go through a divorce or break-up, girlfriends are there with chocolate and offers to break legs and tap phone lines. They will listen to you cry and tell you when it is time to shut up.
* when your husband is sick, girlfriends rush in to do your laundry, drive you to Sonic for a quick trip out of the house, and just listen to you.
* when your husband dies, your girlfriends take care of the things you haven't and cannot think about. They clean the house, they warm the food, write down names of friends that dropped by, and press your clothing so you will be well dressed for the funeral. They will not forget about you when you find yourself newly single.

Who does more than a girlfriend? Maybe Mom but she cannot do it all. Mom probably will not look you in the face and say that maybe you should do more Kegel exercises.

Imagine living a long life as a girl that "just doesn't have female friends" or "girls don't like her" or "men are so much easier to get along with". Those girls are not to be trusted.

Take care of your friends. They will take care of you.

Friday, May 04, 2007


Man's voice:
Yeah, well, I was just trying to be a nice guy so I let her come over to do laundry 'cause her washer was broken. That was three weeks ago and she is still there.
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