Sunday, December 26, 2010

Forget world peace, I want a magic purse

Not one Christmas season passes by without a "World Peace" card in the mail.
It's bullshit, I tell ya.
There's no way I'm wasting my one wish on world peace. No, while in the third grade I figured out my one granted wish from a genie would be a magic purse with never ending cash.
But world peace is not attainable.
It can't be.
All nations at peace means no war, no fighting and also no change. No change can mean an oppressed people. I mean, show me a couple married for 50 years and I'll bet one of them ate shit at some point or the other cannot live alone.

Whirled peas are over rated anyway.

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Mallys strikes back

Just a muffled sound was a clue that a mystery package had arrived at my front door. By the time I could put down the laptop, the UPS guy had scrammed.

THIS is what I found.

Mallys had struck back.

What was in said box?
Only the best thing ever!!!
A frickin' SHUT UP candle!!
Did you even know there was such a thing?

It's already burning in my foyer.
There to alert all visitors.

Thank you, Mallys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, December 20, 2010

Funniest Christmas wish lists ever

From HER ~
  • a bone (it's a card folding tool, Leezra knows what it is.)
  • a package of clothespins (I don't know where to get them)
from HIM ~
in no particular order
  • a bottle of Riesling wine, there is a really tall bottle at Walgreen's
  • maybe a jug of Southern Comfort
  • a squirrel trap
  • a new pair of Crocs, size 10, black or brown

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Random thoughts

Every time I read the word "biopic", I have to remind myself it means bio pic, as in biographical pic(ture). Shouldn't it be "bio-pic"? It's not even a real word, dammit to hell!

Christmas has snuck up on me and I still have no sense of urgency to finish my shopping. The last minute rush apparently is my habit.

Cell phones cannot withstand wash and rinse cycles in the washer. Trust me on this.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

The hurricane story you haven't heard

Unless you grew up in the left hand bottom corner of the boot-shaped Great State that is Louisiana. To be honest, the film "All Over but to Cry" is the most I've ever heard about Hurricane Audrey. Folks don't like to talk about it.

A church member told me her ladies group gathered clothing and shoes for the victims and a little boy selected shoes when he really wanted the brand new red cowboy boots. When asked why he passed on the boots, he said he needed shoes to go to church. Another old timer told me he never fished again after pulling dead bodies from the water.

Yeah, yeah, I know you've read hurricane stories here before but this is the harrowing tale of loss and survival during the 1957 Hurricane Audrey and you will cry your eyes out. Watch it to develop an attitude of gratitude and count your many blessings.

One by one.

It aired on Louisiana Public Television and I hope you'll get a chance to see it.

Thursday, December 09, 2010


"Yeah, that lady was trying to make me lose my job! I even said 'Have a nice day' . . . and I'm not even on my meds."

Friday, December 03, 2010

Thursday, December 02, 2010

Overheard at the court house

from a dude whooping and hollering as he exploded out of the second floor court room. He picked up the desk phone, dialed and loudly held a conversation the next day's jury pool could hear.
"Hey girl! Guess what? I'm not going to prison! Yeah, I got three years probation. What? YEAH, that's good! Probation is nuthin'. You would think it was good if you knew what I really did. You got any food at your house? No, huh, well, I'll call ya later."
Dials another number.
"Yeah, I called her and told her I got probation and did she have any food and she gave me a no but what she doesn't know is I really want to get with her sister. I bet her sister has some groceries. I'm calling her next."
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