Saturday, May 30, 2009

The reason Jon hates Kate

It's her hair.

What man wants to be married to a (hateful) chick with dyke hair?

Jon should leave her and sell their 8 children to the circus. It's their only hope for happiness and security.

(Really, what the hell is that fringe at the back of her hair? How does one do that?)

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

My sister and the ants

Baby sister RikkiTikkiTavi and I were floating in the pool on Memorial Day, catching the rays when she got out to skim the water to get out the flying ants. She couldn't relax on the raft because she thought they were landing on her. Not me, don't care.
After the third time of getting out of the pool and skimming for ants, Rikki said, "I think these are the same damn ants I got out earlier, I'm starting to recognize them."

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Shut your cake hole

Attended Kay's birthday party last weekend where an array of cakes were displayed on the dessert table. This beehive cake, after hours of free pouring cocktails, became known as the "jizz" cake. "Greg" took credit for the glaze so we started calling him the "cake fucker" and sang "Pour Some Sugar On Me" when he was in hearing distance.

Hard to believe that we're adults.

It's Ponderous, I tell ya!

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

You wanna see the world's largest mood ring?

'Cause let me tell ya, when this is blue and clear, I am a happy girl.

When green and murky, count on me being pissed, angry and hostile.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Quote of the day

"That's the kind of music that you listen to
on your way home from getting an abortion."

--as uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius XM satellite radio show,
after hearing his producer's unfortunate choice of music

Monday, May 18, 2009

Have one on me!

A bunch of my friends were out and having cocktails when this was placed on the table.

What the hell?

You can tell a lot about your friend's personalities by their reactions.

  • "Gross!"
  • laughter, and more laughter
  • indignation
  • "Oh, my gosh, it was probably that fly's best moment"

Or would you be like me, and insist that the waiter leave this drink on the table while he got another from the bar = suspicious and distrusting.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Funny memory

When I lived in New Orleans, my mom and her sister visited me for a weekend. We found ourselves at Pat O'Brien's patio bar right about the time that the business man types were breaking from happy hour. A couple friendly types start chatting us up and my mom and aunt thought their interest was amusing. They were kinda tipsy and not-at-all smooth. I had just broken up with an alcoholic so not (and still not) very patient with drunks. They ask what's your name, where do you work, where do you live? All that crap. And none of their business. My Aunt Joan says to them, "Oh, that's Leezra. She don't care 'bout nuthin'."

Mom and I laughed until we were weak. The remaining of the weekend we repeated it. And we decided that it would be on my tombstone.

Here lies Leezra. She didn't care 'bout nuthin'.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

A comeback, 18 years later

Back in the day, my 8-year older boyfriend chastised me for watching MTV and said that he never watched television shows that included acne treatment commercials. Well dammit-all if I don't think of his alcoholic ass every time I see one of those commercials. Let's face it, I am probably the oldest (willing) viewer of "Real World" and "The Hills". But I laugh now because I would say to him that I don't want to watch television shows that advertise Cricket phones and all-in-one blankets for the housebound and infirm.

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Quote of the day

Billy Joel looks like a retired racoon.

-uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius XM satellite radio show

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