Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
You heard me.
That is the tagline for a group promoting the use of nutria products after exterminating the environmentally damaging herbivore rats from Louisiana's waterways.
Use the meat, the fur and even the teeth, says the Righteous Fur spokesperson. Why? It is environmentally responsible and "green" to use everything possible from the nutria carcass.
"The jewelry teeth are available in their original orange, or soaked to attain a tortoise-shell look. They're capped in silver and made into necklaces and earrings."
Because nothing says "I love you" like nutria teeth, right?
Friday, September 25, 2009
You people can best believe Louisianaians have a party muscles! And even if dormant, never atrophied.
Oooh, walk into a dive bar with a good jukebox and an old drunk guy with cash falling out his pockets leaning against the bar, all my buds laughing at a table and watch my party muscles quiver.
"I gotcha party muscle right he-yaaaaaa!"
Edit: Party muscles should not be confused with Kegels. But hey, they go together just fine.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Sunday, September 20, 2009
It is amusing to laugh at other's in-law foibles but really, I cannot relate. Having never been married and a bit older, I cannot fathom someone making my life miserable without my permission. The one mistake I can discern is women, eager to please their husband and wanting approval from his mother, do not set boundaries about inappropriate behavior from the beginning, years pass and bad habits are set.
Oh My Gosh, I would have FUN jackin' with a hateful mother-in-law. I would yank her chain just like I do with drunks. I've had ALL these YEARS to come up with scenarios and smart ass quips.
And I am SO good with saying, "Why are you telling me this? You know that I'll never get the last 5 minutes of my life back and I don't care about your next door neighbor's daughter's children blah blah blah."
Listening to Jay Thomas dismiss people in a rude but somehow funny manner has been my inspiration. Last week he told a caller, "Look, I know you're a parapalegic and all, but I am going to hang up now because frankly, I'm bored." And the caller laughed and thanked Jay and said he loved the show. That, my friend is pure talent.
I insult folks but haven't gotten the knack of having them still like me afterwards.
Future mother-in-laws? Watch your back because I got nuthin' but untapped rage looking for a target.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Thursday, September 17, 2009
When we were kids, my mom never kept carbonated beverages in the house. Our choice was lemonade, KoolAid, iced tea or water. Dinner at a restaurant or a trip to the movies was a double treat because we could order Coca-Cola!
Once, while grocery shopping with Mom, I asked her to purchase Cokes for us kids. No.
"But whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy"? I pleaded.
"Ya'll just drink 'em."
It stopped my whining but I didn't understand the response.
I reminded Mom of it the other day and she laughed. "I said that?"
"Well, I guess it made sense at the time."
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
If you say that Kanye West is a jackass, stand by it.
So unimpressed with namby pamby guys that shoot off their mouths, get a reaction and then back down and apologize.
The President IS a liar, there is no way he can guarantee all his pie-in-the-sky promises and he knows it. Kanye West IS a jackass and worse.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Tuesday, September 08, 2009
Stop lying because I am going to call you on it. And if you say that you appreciate my viewpoint, I am going to cough swine flu in your general direction.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Friday, September 04, 2009
Really? Of all the books in the library, they limit themselves to one genre? Imagination is too much for them to comprehend? This aggravates so much I am gonna end here.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
After my friend Elizabeth watched the reality show "Toddler and Tiaras", she wondered why all those little girls made the cute pouty face and put their finger in their mouth in front of the judges. She and I agreed that is borderline nasty.
I recalled old Shirley Temple movies with the pouty fakery and postulated that Shirley must be a pageant mom's ideal. Fast forward to today --> my Google image search of Shirley Temple. And now believe Shirley was a whore. Or at least a c*+k tease.
Those inflatable dolls? The ones with raised eyebrows and open mouths? The pin up models with the little girl pose and finger in mouth? Models with dresses that barely cover their pudenda? All that sleaziness can be set at the feet of Shirley Temple. Heck, you can barely find a movie still of her NOT sitting on an old guy's lap.
Child porn is not new. In fact, it is classic.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Bad thing about 8 Tracks: That shit would play all day long when Dad slipped in George Jones on a long drive to camp. It fell under the category of child abuse.