Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Oscar 2006 Review

Hello All you Beautiful People out there in TV land! This is Skitzo Leezra coming to you from the Pottery Barn slipcovered sofa here in Louisiana. Tonight I am lucky enough to wear stolen hospital scrubs and a freebie Rock 101.3 KKGB all cotton t-shirt. That's right, just like the celebrities, I didn't pay a thing for my ensemble.

The opening montage began with the overworked line from "The Wizard of Oz" but it recovered. And if you have a t-shirt/bumper sticker/bullshit item with Oz on it, get rid of it, it is stupid. You get a free pass if you are gay.

Though I like Jon Stewart, I have no illusions that he will be a great resenter. Ugh, I am cringing as he falters in the beginning.

It must be an easy day at the office for the cameraman if Jack Nicholson is in the audience. They cut to him as many times as the freaking snakes on Survivor. Too obvious, too trite.

Nicole Kidman looked as good as I have seen her in a coon's age. Hair was pretty and natural, face not so tight and the whole look was pretty and uncontrived.

Paul Giamatti appeared to be wearing a merkin on his face. What's a merkin, you ask? A pubic wig. You heard me.

George Clooney gave a nice speech. He is almost the next Cary Grant.

Lots of gowns in nude/champagne tone. Nicole Kidman, Reese, Uma and Jennifer Garner (nice rack). Naomi also but it didn't look so hot on her.

Congrats to Reese. John's Nana called it. She predicted that Reese would win. I saw "Walk the Line" Saturday night and really enjoyed it. Would happily raid the wardrobe department for June Carter's threads.

Wallace & Gromit folks gave a nice touch with the coordinating bowties.

Dolly Parton - how many times does a girl from the holler get to perform at the Academy Awards? How's about a skirt? You opted for pants? I now see how your look has influenced years of Playboy models and wannabe sexpots but you are aging well and though I don't dig your music, I like your personae.

Jennifer Aniston - I am SO over black dresses but you look nice.

Russell Crowe actually appears to have taken a bath but his eyes looked a little fucked up. Baby steps.

Steve Carrell & Will Ferrell's make up trick was funny. Did you notice that they both had pretty greige colored ties?

Glad the Academy did away with in-the-aisle presentations.

Rachel Adams - great yellow sequined dress, if you were in a Fanta commercial.

Frances McDormand - Sissy Spacek called and she wants her look back.

Rachel Weisz was a good actress in a shit movie. I gotta confess now. I gave it a good review because I wanted everyone else to lose $7 and 2 hours on that horrible movie.

Felt bad for Lauren Bacall when flubbing her lines. Wish she would have said something profane and flipped the bird. The show needed it.

I love me some TiVo. Nominees reactions are slo-moed.

Charlize Theron - I remember your single puff-sleeve AJ Bari dress except the first time I saw it was in 1982 when I wore it to my prom 'cept it was peach moire taffeta.

Enjoyed the penguins on stage but maybe because there was so little entertainment.

Whew, I was nervous when J-Lo was on stage talking about music and SO relieved that she did not sing.

Salma Hayek - I was wondering what the hell "a regional score" was when I realized she meant "original score". Ohhhh, got it now.

Heath Ledger - did I spy you chewing GUM? Again, I say, it is not appropriate in church, it is not appropriate for the Oscars. Buy some couth, already.

King Kong dudes - way to choreograph speeches in allotted time. Good job.

I got a feeling that one of those Oscars will find itself welded to a car hood soon.

How novel of Gavin Hood to reference his website for thank yous.

Ziho Zhang's full ball gown was pretty.

So far no political speeches. Thank you.

Can I just say that I like the haunting melody of "Brokeback Mountain" soundtrack?

All in all, pretty boring. I fast forwarded thru the Pimp Song but reckon that was the big excitement of the night.

Over to you, Pink!

Hello Oscar-ites,
Greetings from Pink!

I have to admit, I only watched the first hour & was bored---pace was far too slow. The audience diidn't have the usual buzz which makes me look forward to the program.

As much as l like Jon Stewart, it also pained me at times to watch him. Perhaps just virgin-Oscar jitters -- his, not mine.

I guess I've lived in Florida too long--I liked Rachel Adams' dress & the Fanta chicks!! So there!

Rachel Weisz was my favorite of the night -- radiant, gracious & quick acceptance

George Clooney - hubba-hubba!

Sandra Bullock is always a favorite. Thank God most of the presentation was left to her & not Keanu. He sounds like English isn't even his second language.

If I were accepting an award, I'd want "Jaaaack" to be my presenter.

Ditto to the sentiments on J-Lo not singing & not talking very much in her fake-girly falsetto. Anyone catch her-finger-pulling her skirt as she flowed across stage? Betcha she practiced that in front of the mirror.

Morgan Freeman-sans tie is a great look for an after-hours work party, but this IS the Oscars!!

Salma was charming. Notice they assigned her that catagory because no one else can pronounce "Santolalla", nor any other names in that group.

Let's go to Ralph now.
Pink is over and out!

Ralph here, though I don't have the detailed recollection of Miss Leezra, I will try.

While I missed Jon Stewart's poor opening showing, I liked the way he balanced his humor and didn't stick to all things political.

For the criticisms: too many montages. What was the purpose of the "Film Noir" montage? Oh, "Film Noir" is a significant genre. Wow, wouldn't have known that.

I thought Heath was predicted by many to be the next sexpot? Between the gum-chewing and that bad facial hair, he dropped several steps on that ladder.

Also, some of the major categories only had 3 nominations. They couldn't come up with at least 4?

Also, I thought it was a rule you had to wear a jacket. Wasn't it just a few years ago that they made the guy who accepted the Oscar for Eminem to wear a jacket over his Phillies jersey?

Also, I echo I am so glad that J-Lo didn't sing. Her ship is quickly following that of Britney Spears, just at a slower rate...a has-been that never was at an early age.

For the good stuff...

I don't care if Charlize Theron wore a Catholic school girl uniform...she is
stunningly beautiful. (Hmm...I might actually like her in that outfit.)

My heart went out to Lauren Bacall. I think they need to make that print bigger on those teleprompters.

I usually don't like Lily Tomlin, but her and Meryl Streep did a great job with crossing up each other's dialog.

Altman acceptance speech was very good. I love the bit about getting the heart transplant.

Even as he as aged, George Clooney has kept his boyish charm. It makes him very likable.

Ditto on the good job of Gavin Hood to recognize his website.

Jennifer A, Selma H, Charlize T, and Reese are all beautiful women. All different types, but all are high on the Ralph scale. The other is Catherine Keener. Not in those ladies class, but something about her makes her a Ralph-girl.

I saw "Capote" and Philip Seymour Hoffman did do a great job.

My favorite acceptance speech was Reese's. All the people she thanked, and then thanked Joaquan Phoenix on top of it. Exhuded class and sincerity to me.

Back to you!!!

Songs I Never Want to Hear Again

Hey Folks! Just wondering if any of you ever listen to the radio, hear a song and think, "I wish that were the last time I ever heard THAT!" Well, if not, let's begin today!

So here is your forum to list a few. Could be that the radio station just repeats it too doggone often or you hated it the first time you heard it. Add YOUR unfavorite to this list in the comment section.

We may have a tie between Lynyrd Skynyrd and Shitney Houston! While I might not agree with your list, your are in safe place here.

from Leezra:
Desperado - Eagles
Tom Sawyer - Rush
Anything by Jethro Tull
I’m Your Ice Cream Man - Van Halen with David Lee Roth
I Will Always Love You - Shitney Houston (the Dolly Parton version is okay)

Go-oin' to the Chapel and we're gonna' Get Ma-a-arried by the Dixie Cups
Lay Down Your Head, Tom Doo-oo-ooley...Tom Doo-oo-ooley.. . . is a very, very old song that was stupid when it was new
Strokin' - Clarence Carter
Roll On - Alabama. A dumb song, an oldie that was supposed to make truck drivers buy their tape. I guess it worked 'cause they still play it. The lead singer yells this "hail to all redneck truckers" type of ROLL ON! ... Like it's some kind of universal trucking command to roll over anything that gets it their way.

Don't want to close my eyes - Aerosmith. It is a PUKE FEST! The moment it comes on I cringe and then change the station. Please retire this song!!!

I HATE, HATE, HATE Red, Red Wine by UB40. I know some people like it (like my husband), but I think it's the most annoying song ever.
Donna Summers "I'm in love, love, love . . .I’m in love"

Iron Man - Ozzy Osbourne. Hate it!!!! Starts with devil voice speaking slowly: "Iiiiiii Ammmm Iron Maaaan" Freaks me out.

Happy Birthday

When the Bullet Hits the Bone - Golden Earring. That song has always sucked. How is it that 15 years later they are still playing it? For the love of Pete!
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd (For the record, Lynyrd Skynyrd, yes, "ole Neil put her down" but I think most people would rather hear him sing "Southern Man" than this old piece of crap.

Any rap song, especially those produced from the late 80's to present.
Anything by Eminem
Anything by Marilyn Manson. Both are way too hard rock for me. Their lyrics leave quite a bit to be desired. It's like watching a movie that overuses the F-word. You wonder if they wrote it that way because the plot & story line were so poor and they hope the F-word will distract listeners.

Going Mobile - The WHO. HATE IT!
Having my Baby - Paul Anka.....YUCK!!

Who let the Dogs Out
Greatest love of all by Whitney Houston

I don't want to smell that smell or hear That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd!!!

True - Spandau Ballet
Anything by Celine Dion

Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mike D:
"Eye of the Tiger"

anything by REO Speedwagon.

Roger Foster's brother-in-law:
10. You got lucky - Tom Petty. Early 80's crap
9. Don't come around here no more - Tom Petty. I sense a pattern
8. There was this song about liking girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch and something about "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits". This song was so God-awful that anytime I learned the song title or band name I purged it from consciousness.
7. Candle in the wind - Elton John. Either the Marilyn or Diana Version. Either let them rest in peace or write tributes to cool people like Lenny Bruce.
6. Crash - Dave Matthews. Reminds me of a very bad night after drinking too much Jagermeister. Every time I hear this song I have a flashback.
5. Old time Rock and Roll - Bob Seger. I've been to too many redneck bars and weddings in my life, thus, I have had my quota of this song.
4. Working Man - Rush. Back when Rush tried to sound like Black Sabbath, it never crossed their minds that Geddy Lee's chicken voice blew the effect.
3. Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin - TOOOOOO LONG!!!!!! MAKE........IT......STOP!!
4. Lady Marmalade - Maya, Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil' Kim. Hearing this song 40 times a day will not force me to see Moulin Rouge.
3. God bless the USA - Lee Greenwood - Gen. Schwarzkopf used to play this every morning of the Gulf War. I would be ready to kill also.
2. Just about anything by Creed, Stain, Train, Matchbox 20, Tantric, Seven Mary Three and Three Doors Down. I'm not certain but I suspect that these are all actually Candlebox trying to sneak back on the radio.
1. Mississippi Queen - Mountain. The front man for this band is a very large and shaggy man from Louisiana. And you can tell.

Sexual healing - Marvin Gaye. I don't hate many songs but this would lead the pack. I think it is totally demeaning toward women.
99 Luftballones - Nena

Beat it - Michael Jackson. Maybe someone should beat him for writing this very bad attempt at a rock crossover. What was he thinking? Is this what he secretly asks those poor kids to do while at his Neverland ranch? Why in the hell did Eddie Van Halen agree to play a solo on that piece of crap? Was Valerie Bertinelli beating him unless he sold out? There are so many questions...
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin. While I appreciate the musical vision, or whatever drug-induced visions, that Jimmy Page and company had when they wrote this, if I walk into a music store and hear one more kid playing that damn song I am going to take that guitar and shove it up his piehole.
Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd. Why is it that every time I am at a concert or seeing a band there is always that same drunk-off-his-ass dirt bag with the wife-beating tank top screaming "play Freebird!"
Turn the page - Bob Segar. That same idiot who asked for Freebird will, at some point in the evening, call out for this one too. Just for that I give this song the finger.
Can't touch this - MC (where’s all my money) Hammer. First of all, how is it possible to rip off Superfreak and make millions? Second of all, how do you lose all that money to your leeching friends and bad managers? Maybe Hammer should have stuffed some of that cash into those retarded Aladdin pants of his and then sang that song to his buddies.
Ice baby - Vanilla Ice. How could one person be so callous as to destroy such a great song as Queen's "Under Pressure". Freddy Mercury should have given that guy AIDS for butchering that song and leaving us with that permanent stain on pop culture.
Karma Chameleon - Culture Club. Did that sad era actually happen? Did I really turn on MTV and see that freak running around in his dainty hat and smashing hairdo? Please tell me it was all a bad dream.

Life is too short to:

Life is too short to . . .

· Be embarrassed to dance
· Use cheap toilet tissue
· Drink cheap beer
· Drink cheap wine
· Not have a dog or cat
· Keep an immaculate house
· “Settle” for a mate
· Not marry your intellectual equal
· Watch television sports
· Be a secretary
· Not occasionally make an ass of yourself
· Harbor hurt
· Never apologize
· Stop learning
· Not take risks
· Use garlic powder
· Not screen your calls
· Not own a convertible, at least for a while
· Let prejudice rule your life
· Listen to a know-it-all
· Not be able to appreciate varied types of music
· Judge others and yourself by the car that you drive
· Wear underwear

Rita Evacuation & Aftermath

Hello Good People!

Well, we evacuated on Thursday to travel north to Natchitoches, Louisiana. The usual 2 hour trip took 10 hours. 120 miles away and we still had powerful winds, downed trees and electricity outages.

My front yard tree is down but no loss, it was a stupid looking tree anyhow. Lots of shingles off my roof, now in the pool. Sections of the fence are down. One very yucky water stain on the living room ceiling where the attic vent cover blew off and rain fell directly into the house. Luckily, no water damage to furniture or carpet. Power has been off for 10 days now.

This single girl lost condiments only as there were no food stuffs in the 'frig. The frozen vodka has suffered. I found a home for the room temperature beer.

The FEMA folks handed out MREs, ice and water here in our area of Louisiana. Woo hoo! Good looking military boys handing out ice! My brother Rollo asked them if they ever sang "ice, ice, baby" but the young Army buck said that he had too much self respect to sing Vanilla Ice tunes while performing his assigned duties.

I foolishly stayed in my house Monday evening thinking I would catch a breeze through the open window. Um, no. I sweat my balls off. Ya know how a big dog cools off by submerging in a water filled laundry tub? That was me. Rollo hooked up a generator and window unit and we were able to sleep in front of it for 3 nights before I shagged my ass to Houston to enjoy air conditioning and restaurants and ice. God bless Danielle for providing hospitality!

Our city advised us to bury any thawed meat products. Rollo and I had many a laugh about his "meat hole" and how much time it took to pack it and we wondered if it were somehow wrong to place cheese in your meat hole. Lots of sweating over the meat hole, I tell ya.

Good riddance to Rita.
The only 'ritas were like are MARGARITAS!

Glen Campbell concert review

God bless Glen. He played every hit the audience wanted to hear and even took a drunken song request from one of the local yahoos plus some Beach Boy stuff in tribute of touring with them. He looked good, not young but definitely good for 69 years old. His voice was EXACTLY what you hear on the radio. I was impressed.

So, get this. Not only did we have super duper VIP tickets and did we sit second row center, but we MET the dude! Yep. Friend Maura interviewed him earlier in the week for the local newspaper so she reminded him, he said he remembered her, blah, blah. We took a photo and she then asked if he heard us yelling for him.

He was momentarily distracted by a handler and turned around in time for her to say, "We're hoarse." He looked at both of us, smiled and politely dismissed us with a "Hope you enjoyed the show and it was very nice meeting you." As we were walking away I told Maura that Glen thought she said "We're whores."

She was mortified but the remainder of the night I asked "Are we hoarse or whores, I keep getting confused."

Then we would do our best hoarse whore voices.
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