Friday, January 30, 2009

I'm losing the hope already

Was very impressed with the aura of hope and the talk of change at Obama's inauguration and buoyed in hearing that both Senators Ted Kennedy and Robert Byrd collapsed and were rushed away in an ambulance.
But alas, the Obama shine almost immediately faded because both survived.
I, and the American people, expect more from you, Barack Obama.

Monday, January 26, 2009

The shoe game

Back in the day, when I did more people watching and spent more time in bars, I played the shoe game, in which I would guess a man's* occupation or vocation based on his shoes. And I was pretty good at my deductions. Athletic shoes are an automatic toss out. No guess on those. (Guys that wear trainers to a bar are not guys that get my attention.)

Give me some loafers, wingtips, moccasins, boots, monk straps, bluchers, oxfords, deck shoes and let's play.

Weird ass shoes? I'd call the guy over and have a conversation to find out what's up with his footwear choice. And either release him back into the wild or give him fashion advice.

So one night at Rock 'n' Roll, with several Abita beers in me, I played the game at such a heightened state that I didn't need to look above the knee for more clues. My friends were amused and entertained and finally got the nerve to ask one such male for confirmation. Laced up nice leather shoes in neutral tan, nicely maintained, probably resoled once or twice - he's an academic.

CORRECT! A department head, in fact, at Tulane.

The reason I explain the game to you is because today I saw this article "Do Shoes Make The Man?" and had to laugh at the last sentence.

"A man who picks you up wearing ratty footwear isn't interested in showing you his best or the respect you deserve." Next!

*This game cannot be played on women's choices of shoes because females have too many personalities.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Makes me wish I could skate

Actually, I skate just fine. It is the stopping part that hurts.

How hilarious is this? Instead of running bulls thru the streets, an organizer gets Roller Girls to roll thru New Orleans' French Quarter and pummel the male runners.

The idea was to outfit these tougher-than-tough broads on skates, er -- ladies -- with cattle horns, Whiffle Ball bats and swimming pool noodles, and unloose them onto thrillseekers who would run from them. When Hanning inquired of the Rollergirls' availability last year, event coordinator Tracey Bellina, who skates under the pseudonym of "Archbishop Pummel," told him: "Sure, I've got a bunch of bad-ass chicks on wheels who probably wouldn't mind beating up on a bunch of guys."

If you ever saw me smack the butts of Mardi Gras revelers with a plastic flyswatter, you KNOW I would be fabulous at whacking guys with whiffle ball bats. Maybe too fabulous.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

T-shirt ideas brought to you by SkitzoLeezra

Obey the pudenda!
Viva le vas deferens!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

FEMA blames Louisiana's gluttony for low MRE levels‏

FEMA's argument, contained in a retort to comments made by Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal last week, is that basically the responsibility for the problem lies with the storm victims of Louisiana, who gobbled up food and water at an "extraordinary" rate after Gustav swept through."

The governor made it clear that "it is nutty to tell the people of south Louisiana that we are simply eating too much and are choosing MREs over our terrific local cuisine," Jindal's spokeswoman Melissa Sellers said.

Hi, this is SkitzoLeezra of Louisiana reporting AND because I am a south Louisiana girl, I KNOW WHY so many MREs were taken: Hunters and campers now hoard them! You heard me, MREs are the perfect self-contained and chemically heated camp food and everybody wants them or knows someone who wants them. AND folks buy and sell MREs on eBay! Grab 'em while you can!

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Word of the day

Reading a book last night where a woman is described wearing a dress up to her pudenda. What's that? Had a good guess but still compelled to look it up. So, if you use it, don't show your ignorance and mix the uses of plural and singular.

Main Entry: pu·den·dum
Pronunciation: \pyu̇-ˈden-dəm\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s):
plural pu·den·da \-də\ the external genital organs of a human being and especially of a woman —usually used in plural.

Etymology: (date 1634) New Latin, singular of Latin pudenda, from neuter plural of pudendus, gerundive of pudēre (GET THIS) to be ashamed.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009


Several years ago I read Snobbery: The American Version by Joseph Epstein where he described a scenario of a man stuck in traffic. The man spied a "My son attends UCLA" bumper sticker and thought "what a schmuck" because his own car bumper sticker proudly declared "My son attends Harvard".

Snobbery has many levels.

My book boyfriend Tyler Cowen, author of Discover Your Inner Economist, writes about "signaling" as a kind of personal advertising. He says the cost or difficulty is the whole point of signaling and it is the reason why signaling sends an effective message. If flowers were free, or everyone knew the right kind to send, most women would not be very thrilled to get them. And if everyone could work their way through Harvard Business School with ease, the degree wouldn't mean so much.

But here is my favorite part of the passage:
In elite British boarding schools it is considered desirable to receive either top marks or very bad marks. The stupid people are thought to be clustered in the middle. They tried to do well and failed. They couldn't figure out that it would have looked better not to try in the first place.

Not trying that hard and now proud of it,
I am,

Monday, January 12, 2009

That's nasty

Listening to Jay Thomas this week on Sirius and laughed when he said the popular hit song "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" (Ohio Express - 1968) was about oral sex so curiosity got the best of me and I read the lyrics. Those kids were singing about "love honey". NASTY, I tell ya! Video here.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

And I feel like a-lovin you

Love, you're such a sweet thing

Good enough to eat thing

And it's just a-what I'm gonna do

Ooh love to hold ya

Ooh love to kiss ya

Ooh love I love it so

Ooh love you're sweeter

Sweeter than sugar

Ooh love I won't let you go

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

And as silly as it may seem

The lovin' that you're giving

Is what keeps me livin'

And your love is like peaches and cream

Kind-a like sugar

Kind-a like spices

Kind-a like, like what you do

Kind-a sounds funny

But your love honey

And honey, I love you

Friday, January 09, 2009

Explain this to me

I am all about marching to your own drum and not blending in with the masses but not for one minute do I understand this foolishness.
Not at all.
In the SkitzoLeezra circle, we have scale of measurable ugliness.
  • Would it be simply heinous
  • or to the lesser degree, horrible
  • horrifying
  • hateful
  • repellent
  • hideous
  • shiteous
  • an abortion OR
  • a GD abortion
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