A Dad-ism

"Damn, if you asked her what time it was, she would tell you how to build a clock."

-- his analogy of the secretary's long winded answers

Catch ya on the flipside, Doc

My family's friend and doctor died last weekend. He was tolerant enough to allow my guesses of self diagnosis but drew the line once I told him I thought I had a touch of the kennel cough.
A few months ago, I went in with a sinus infection when he told me, and I shit you not, "With so many weather changes at this time of year, there would be something wrong with you if you weren't sick."

Yes, he and my dad were friends.

Funny of the day

Today I was assisting my dad with his computer and showed him how to set a bookmark or favorite. When I asked him which sites he visited regularly he said "none".
What about national news outlets?
No.
Local newspaper?
No.
Local television news?
No.
The Weather Channel?
No.
Really? You don't check the weather?
Here is what he said and I shit you not:
Well, it's gonna happen anyway so why read about it?

Doesn't sound right

Heard a little bit of Peter Frampton's "Do You Feel Like We Do?" during my 3 minute work commute this morning and man, I gotta tell ya, I still love it but it just doesn't sound the same as when I listened to the 8 track version over and over, back in the day. The song doesn't seem authentic without the loud telltale 8 Track ~~CLICK~~ during Frampton's 14 minute ride on the voice box.

Good thing about 8 tracks: no flipping of album required, no flipping of cassette, no replay button on CD player. That shit would play all day long.

Bad thing about 8 Tracks: That shit would play all day long when Dad slipped in George Jones on a long drive to camp. It fell under the category of child abuse.

Big eyes

While my eyes aren't really big, I think I possess superior peripheral vision. I can sense movement, like a small snake in the pool. I can see a deer running through the woods. I can even spot a status symbol from 50 yards, or so my mom maintains. And though I have no desire to hunt animals, am thinking I would be a pretty good spotter. So I bragged the above to my dad. He got a bemused look on his face and explained to me that hunters don't usually have that kind of vision. Prey do.

Daddy's little helper

As Daddy's little helper, sometimes I pick up and deliver materials and parts. Yesterday Dad asked me to take some Rubatex (tubular pipe insulation) to his technician on the job. Dad wrote down the tech's cell number and instructed me to phone him when I was near. I called and called and was a bit peeved that he didn't answer. Finally I got through but the reception wasn't clear.

I loudly said, "Hey, this is Leezra, I have some Rubatex for ya and I'll be there in a minute."

"Rub a what?"

"Rubatex!"

"You're gonna rub what?"

"No, I have some Rubatex and I am driving to the job and will be there in a minute!"
By now, I am pissed that my co-worker is wasting my time with foolishness and also a bit bothered by the fact that he is speaking to me in an unprofessional manner. While I talk like a sailor with my friends, I don't discuss off-color subjects with co-workers. "Look, I don't have time for this! Dad said you needed Rubatex and that is what I am bringing to you."

"What is Rubasex?"

Seethe.

"Is this Mike?"

"No, lady, who are you?"

"Nevermind." Click.

Dad swears he didn't write down the wrong number on purpose.

Shut The Hell Up air freshener

My wisenheimer friend Kay gave me a SHUTTHEHELLUP air freshener but it was just too stinky for my sensitive nose so I put it in my dad's brand new day-old truck. He never said a word about it. Wasn't sure if he even noticed it these last few weeks. Just this morning, I flagged him down as he was backing out. I pointed to it and asked, "Hey, is that thing working for ya?"
He said, "I don't know what the hell it is."
To which I answered, "I think it is supposed to shut people the hell up."
He replied, "Then I guess I would have to say no, it doesn't work too well" with barely a wry smile while the automatic window went up and the truck moved away from me while standing in the street.
I am the daughter of 2 smart asses. Sometimes I forget that.