Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Oscar 2006 Review

Hello All you Beautiful People out there in TV land! This is Skitzo Leezra coming to you from the Pottery Barn slipcovered sofa here in Louisiana. Tonight I am lucky enough to wear stolen hospital scrubs and a freebie Rock 101.3 KKGB all cotton t-shirt. That's right, just like the celebrities, I didn't pay a thing for my ensemble.

The opening montage began with the overworked line from "The Wizard of Oz" but it recovered. And if you have a t-shirt/bumper sticker/bullshit item with Oz on it, get rid of it, it is stupid. You get a free pass if you are gay.

Though I like Jon Stewart, I have no illusions that he will be a great resenter. Ugh, I am cringing as he falters in the beginning.

It must be an easy day at the office for the cameraman if Jack Nicholson is in the audience. They cut to him as many times as the freaking snakes on Survivor. Too obvious, too trite.

Nicole Kidman looked as good as I have seen her in a coon's age. Hair was pretty and natural, face not so tight and the whole look was pretty and uncontrived.

Paul Giamatti appeared to be wearing a merkin on his face. What's a merkin, you ask? A pubic wig. You heard me.

George Clooney gave a nice speech. He is almost the next Cary Grant.

Lots of gowns in nude/champagne tone. Nicole Kidman, Reese, Uma and Jennifer Garner (nice rack). Naomi also but it didn't look so hot on her.

Congrats to Reese. John's Nana called it. She predicted that Reese would win. I saw "Walk the Line" Saturday night and really enjoyed it. Would happily raid the wardrobe department for June Carter's threads.

Wallace & Gromit folks gave a nice touch with the coordinating bowties.

Dolly Parton - how many times does a girl from the holler get to perform at the Academy Awards? How's about a skirt? You opted for pants? I now see how your look has influenced years of Playboy models and wannabe sexpots but you are aging well and though I don't dig your music, I like your personae.

Jennifer Aniston - I am SO over black dresses but you look nice.

Russell Crowe actually appears to have taken a bath but his eyes looked a little fucked up. Baby steps.

Steve Carrell & Will Ferrell's make up trick was funny. Did you notice that they both had pretty greige colored ties?

Glad the Academy did away with in-the-aisle presentations.

Rachel Adams - great yellow sequined dress, if you were in a Fanta commercial.

Frances McDormand - Sissy Spacek called and she wants her look back.

Rachel Weisz was a good actress in a shit movie. I gotta confess now. I gave it a good review because I wanted everyone else to lose $7 and 2 hours on that horrible movie.

Felt bad for Lauren Bacall when flubbing her lines. Wish she would have said something profane and flipped the bird. The show needed it.

I love me some TiVo. Nominees reactions are slo-moed.

Charlize Theron - I remember your single puff-sleeve AJ Bari dress except the first time I saw it was in 1982 when I wore it to my prom 'cept it was peach moire taffeta.

Enjoyed the penguins on stage but maybe because there was so little entertainment.

Whew, I was nervous when J-Lo was on stage talking about music and SO relieved that she did not sing.

Salma Hayek - I was wondering what the hell "a regional score" was when I realized she meant "original score". Ohhhh, got it now.

Heath Ledger - did I spy you chewing GUM? Again, I say, it is not appropriate in church, it is not appropriate for the Oscars. Buy some couth, already.

King Kong dudes - way to choreograph speeches in allotted time. Good job.

I got a feeling that one of those Oscars will find itself welded to a car hood soon.

How novel of Gavin Hood to reference his website for thank yous.

Ziho Zhang's full ball gown was pretty.

So far no political speeches. Thank you.

Can I just say that I like the haunting melody of "Brokeback Mountain" soundtrack?

All in all, pretty boring. I fast forwarded thru the Pimp Song but reckon that was the big excitement of the night.

Over to you, Pink!

Hello Oscar-ites,
Greetings from Pink!

I have to admit, I only watched the first hour & was bored---pace was far too slow. The audience diidn't have the usual buzz which makes me look forward to the program.

As much as l like Jon Stewart, it also pained me at times to watch him. Perhaps just virgin-Oscar jitters -- his, not mine.

I guess I've lived in Florida too long--I liked Rachel Adams' dress & the Fanta chicks!! So there!

Rachel Weisz was my favorite of the night -- radiant, gracious & quick acceptance

George Clooney - hubba-hubba!

Sandra Bullock is always a favorite. Thank God most of the presentation was left to her & not Keanu. He sounds like English isn't even his second language.

If I were accepting an award, I'd want "Jaaaack" to be my presenter.

Ditto to the sentiments on J-Lo not singing & not talking very much in her fake-girly falsetto. Anyone catch her-finger-pulling her skirt as she flowed across stage? Betcha she practiced that in front of the mirror.

Morgan Freeman-sans tie is a great look for an after-hours work party, but this IS the Oscars!!

Salma was charming. Notice they assigned her that catagory because no one else can pronounce "Santolalla", nor any other names in that group.

Let's go to Ralph now.
Pink is over and out!

Ralph here, though I don't have the detailed recollection of Miss Leezra, I will try.

While I missed Jon Stewart's poor opening showing, I liked the way he balanced his humor and didn't stick to all things political.

For the criticisms: too many montages. What was the purpose of the "Film Noir" montage? Oh, "Film Noir" is a significant genre. Wow, wouldn't have known that.

I thought Heath was predicted by many to be the next sexpot? Between the gum-chewing and that bad facial hair, he dropped several steps on that ladder.

Also, some of the major categories only had 3 nominations. They couldn't come up with at least 4?

Also, I thought it was a rule you had to wear a jacket. Wasn't it just a few years ago that they made the guy who accepted the Oscar for Eminem to wear a jacket over his Phillies jersey?

Also, I echo I am so glad that J-Lo didn't sing. Her ship is quickly following that of Britney Spears, just at a slower rate...a has-been that never was at an early age.

For the good stuff...

I don't care if Charlize Theron wore a Catholic school girl uniform...she is
stunningly beautiful. (Hmm...I might actually like her in that outfit.)

My heart went out to Lauren Bacall. I think they need to make that print bigger on those teleprompters.

I usually don't like Lily Tomlin, but her and Meryl Streep did a great job with crossing up each other's dialog.

Altman acceptance speech was very good. I love the bit about getting the heart transplant.

Even as he as aged, George Clooney has kept his boyish charm. It makes him very likable.

Ditto on the good job of Gavin Hood to recognize his website.

Jennifer A, Selma H, Charlize T, and Reese are all beautiful women. All different types, but all are high on the Ralph scale. The other is Catherine Keener. Not in those ladies class, but something about her makes her a Ralph-girl.

I saw "Capote" and Philip Seymour Hoffman did do a great job.

My favorite acceptance speech was Reese's. All the people she thanked, and then thanked Joaquan Phoenix on top of it. Exhuded class and sincerity to me.

Back to you!!!

Songs I Never Want to Hear Again

Hey Folks! Just wondering if any of you ever listen to the radio, hear a song and think, "I wish that were the last time I ever heard THAT!" Well, if not, let's begin today!

So here is your forum to list a few. Could be that the radio station just repeats it too doggone often or you hated it the first time you heard it. Add YOUR unfavorite to this list in the comment section.

We may have a tie between Lynyrd Skynyrd and Shitney Houston! While I might not agree with your list, your are in safe place here.

from Leezra:
Desperado - Eagles
Tom Sawyer - Rush
Anything by Jethro Tull
I’m Your Ice Cream Man - Van Halen with David Lee Roth
I Will Always Love You - Shitney Houston (the Dolly Parton version is okay)

Go-oin' to the Chapel and we're gonna' Get Ma-a-arried by the Dixie Cups
Lay Down Your Head, Tom Doo-oo-ooley...Tom Doo-oo-ooley.. . . is a very, very old song that was stupid when it was new
Strokin' - Clarence Carter
Roll On - Alabama. A dumb song, an oldie that was supposed to make truck drivers buy their tape. I guess it worked 'cause they still play it. The lead singer yells this "hail to all redneck truckers" type of ROLL ON! ... Like it's some kind of universal trucking command to roll over anything that gets it their way.

Don't want to close my eyes - Aerosmith. It is a PUKE FEST! The moment it comes on I cringe and then change the station. Please retire this song!!!

I HATE, HATE, HATE Red, Red Wine by UB40. I know some people like it (like my husband), but I think it's the most annoying song ever.
Donna Summers "I'm in love, love, love . . .I’m in love"

Iron Man - Ozzy Osbourne. Hate it!!!! Starts with devil voice speaking slowly: "Iiiiiii Ammmm Iron Maaaan" Freaks me out.

Happy Birthday

When the Bullet Hits the Bone - Golden Earring. That song has always sucked. How is it that 15 years later they are still playing it? For the love of Pete!
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynyrd Skynyrd (For the record, Lynyrd Skynyrd, yes, "ole Neil put her down" but I think most people would rather hear him sing "Southern Man" than this old piece of crap.

Any rap song, especially those produced from the late 80's to present.
Anything by Eminem
Anything by Marilyn Manson. Both are way too hard rock for me. Their lyrics leave quite a bit to be desired. It's like watching a movie that overuses the F-word. You wonder if they wrote it that way because the plot & story line were so poor and they hope the F-word will distract listeners.

Going Mobile - The WHO. HATE IT!
Having my Baby - Paul Anka.....YUCK!!

Who let the Dogs Out
Greatest love of all by Whitney Houston

I don't want to smell that smell or hear That Smell by Lynyrd Skynyrd!!!

True - Spandau Ballet
Anything by Celine Dion

Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd

Mike D:
"Eye of the Tiger"

anything by REO Speedwagon.

Roger Foster's brother-in-law:
10. You got lucky - Tom Petty. Early 80's crap
9. Don't come around here no more - Tom Petty. I sense a pattern
8. There was this song about liking girls who wear Abercrombie & Fitch and something about "New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits". This song was so God-awful that anytime I learned the song title or band name I purged it from consciousness.
7. Candle in the wind - Elton John. Either the Marilyn or Diana Version. Either let them rest in peace or write tributes to cool people like Lenny Bruce.
6. Crash - Dave Matthews. Reminds me of a very bad night after drinking too much Jagermeister. Every time I hear this song I have a flashback.
5. Old time Rock and Roll - Bob Seger. I've been to too many redneck bars and weddings in my life, thus, I have had my quota of this song.
4. Working Man - Rush. Back when Rush tried to sound like Black Sabbath, it never crossed their minds that Geddy Lee's chicken voice blew the effect.
3. Dazed and Confused - Led Zeppelin - TOOOOOO LONG!!!!!! MAKE........IT......STOP!!
4. Lady Marmalade - Maya, Christina Aguilera, Pink, Lil' Kim. Hearing this song 40 times a day will not force me to see Moulin Rouge.
3. God bless the USA - Lee Greenwood - Gen. Schwarzkopf used to play this every morning of the Gulf War. I would be ready to kill also.
2. Just about anything by Creed, Stain, Train, Matchbox 20, Tantric, Seven Mary Three and Three Doors Down. I'm not certain but I suspect that these are all actually Candlebox trying to sneak back on the radio.
1. Mississippi Queen - Mountain. The front man for this band is a very large and shaggy man from Louisiana. And you can tell.

Sexual healing - Marvin Gaye. I don't hate many songs but this would lead the pack. I think it is totally demeaning toward women.
99 Luftballones - Nena

Beat it - Michael Jackson. Maybe someone should beat him for writing this very bad attempt at a rock crossover. What was he thinking? Is this what he secretly asks those poor kids to do while at his Neverland ranch? Why in the hell did Eddie Van Halen agree to play a solo on that piece of crap? Was Valerie Bertinelli beating him unless he sold out? There are so many questions...
Stairway to Heaven - Led Zeppelin. While I appreciate the musical vision, or whatever drug-induced visions, that Jimmy Page and company had when they wrote this, if I walk into a music store and hear one more kid playing that damn song I am going to take that guitar and shove it up his piehole.
Freebird - Lynyrd Skynyrd. Why is it that every time I am at a concert or seeing a band there is always that same drunk-off-his-ass dirt bag with the wife-beating tank top screaming "play Freebird!"
Turn the page - Bob Segar. That same idiot who asked for Freebird will, at some point in the evening, call out for this one too. Just for that I give this song the finger.
Can't touch this - MC (where’s all my money) Hammer. First of all, how is it possible to rip off Superfreak and make millions? Second of all, how do you lose all that money to your leeching friends and bad managers? Maybe Hammer should have stuffed some of that cash into those retarded Aladdin pants of his and then sang that song to his buddies.
Ice baby - Vanilla Ice. How could one person be so callous as to destroy such a great song as Queen's "Under Pressure". Freddy Mercury should have given that guy AIDS for butchering that song and leaving us with that permanent stain on pop culture.
Karma Chameleon - Culture Club. Did that sad era actually happen? Did I really turn on MTV and see that freak running around in his dainty hat and smashing hairdo? Please tell me it was all a bad dream.

Life is too short to:

Life is too short to . . .

· Be embarrassed to dance
· Use cheap toilet tissue
· Drink cheap beer
· Drink cheap wine
· Not have a dog or cat
· Keep an immaculate house
· “Settle” for a mate
· Not marry your intellectual equal
· Watch television sports
· Be a secretary
· Not occasionally make an ass of yourself
· Harbor hurt
· Never apologize
· Stop learning
· Not take risks
· Use garlic powder
· Not screen your calls
· Not own a convertible, at least for a while
· Let prejudice rule your life
· Listen to a know-it-all
· Not be able to appreciate varied types of music
· Judge others and yourself by the car that you drive
· Wear underwear

Rita Evacuation & Aftermath

Hello Good People!

Well, we evacuated on Thursday to travel north to Natchitoches, Louisiana. The usual 2 hour trip took 10 hours. 120 miles away and we still had powerful winds, downed trees and electricity outages.

My front yard tree is down but no loss, it was a stupid looking tree anyhow. Lots of shingles off my roof, now in the pool. Sections of the fence are down. One very yucky water stain on the living room ceiling where the attic vent cover blew off and rain fell directly into the house. Luckily, no water damage to furniture or carpet. Power has been off for 10 days now.

This single girl lost condiments only as there were no food stuffs in the 'frig. The frozen vodka has suffered. I found a home for the room temperature beer.

The FEMA folks handed out MREs, ice and water here in our area of Louisiana. Woo hoo! Good looking military boys handing out ice! My brother Rollo asked them if they ever sang "ice, ice, baby" but the young Army buck said that he had too much self respect to sing Vanilla Ice tunes while performing his assigned duties.

I foolishly stayed in my house Monday evening thinking I would catch a breeze through the open window. Um, no. I sweat my balls off. Ya know how a big dog cools off by submerging in a water filled laundry tub? That was me. Rollo hooked up a generator and window unit and we were able to sleep in front of it for 3 nights before I shagged my ass to Houston to enjoy air conditioning and restaurants and ice. God bless Danielle for providing hospitality!

Our city advised us to bury any thawed meat products. Rollo and I had many a laugh about his "meat hole" and how much time it took to pack it and we wondered if it were somehow wrong to place cheese in your meat hole. Lots of sweating over the meat hole, I tell ya.

Good riddance to Rita.
The only 'ritas were like are MARGARITAS!

Glen Campbell concert review

God bless Glen. He played every hit the audience wanted to hear and even took a drunken song request from one of the local yahoos plus some Beach Boy stuff in tribute of touring with them. He looked good, not young but definitely good for 69 years old. His voice was EXACTLY what you hear on the radio. I was impressed.

So, get this. Not only did we have super duper VIP tickets and did we sit second row center, but we MET the dude! Yep. Friend Maura interviewed him earlier in the week for the local newspaper so she reminded him, he said he remembered her, blah, blah. We took a photo and she then asked if he heard us yelling for him.

He was momentarily distracted by a handler and turned around in time for her to say, "We're hoarse." He looked at both of us, smiled and politely dismissed us with a "Hope you enjoyed the show and it was very nice meeting you." As we were walking away I told Maura that Glen thought she said "We're whores."

She was mortified but the remainder of the night I asked "Are we hoarse or whores, I keep getting confused."

Then we would do our best hoarse whore voices.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Can Cats See Spirits?

My friend, Cassandra, thinks that when cats stare blankly at nothing in particular that they are seeing spirits. Her cat, Frank, occasionally freaks her out by looking staring intently at the space just behind her head.
"You see a ghost, Frank? Is it a spirit?"
He never answers. Maybe he instead saw a burglar. Or maybe an ax wielding murderer. She wouldn't know. Frank tells nothing.
Possible sightings of spirits or ghosts would not alarm Frank. His Saint Francis medal protects him. He was wearing it when Cassandra adopted him. Saint Francis. Pray for us. Sterling Silver. Italy.
While Cassandra's theory seems to have merit, Mom and I think that common household domesticated felines transmit gathered intelligence to their Cat Gods. Mom and I are not sure exactly what information is required but your undressing and bare moments are surely recorded. (Why else would they gaze so intently while you are unclothed?)
Because cats are the channels, they may not necessarily be privy to comprehending or understanding the relayed information. Or even why it is needed. I know this because I caught my cat Sammy reading the other day. But upon closer inspection I noticed that he was reading from right to left. I figured that when he transmitted the contents of August issue of Martha Stewart Living magazine, the text would be LIFO format (Last In, First Out).
When Sammy takes the occasional short car trip to Sonic or the veterinarian, he always reads the street signs. Originally, I thought it to be a survival tactic. But I now think that The Powers need global mapping and navigational assistance.
What I am not sure of is if The Powers have thumbs. The Cat Gods surely know that the kitties of the world would cause great mayhem if they did miraculously develop that last crucial phalange. There would be rioting in the street. Cats would be able to take photographs, drive cars, eat tacos; the potential insults to mankind are unthinkable. No thumbs yet but the ability to see spirits.

"What do you see, Frank? What is it, boy?"

Frank reveals nothing.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

No wonder old people don't laugh

Jake asked Kathy the counter gal for a plastic bag. She went behind the door and returned the bag over her head and a grin on her face. I let out a laugh and turned to see that Jake's reaction wasn't quite as amused as Kathy's and mine. Kathy instantly knew that she had offended him.

Jake said, "Yeah, I know you are just fooling around but it isn't so funny to me and my family because my young nephew died when he accidently smothered himself."


Which got me to thinking that my brother and I used to tell dead baby jokes but no longer can we hear them and nor do we think them funny.

Saw a T-shirt once that said "I am already imagining you with tape over your mouth" and laughed out loud. About a week later, my friend told me the story of her pal that, you guessed it, was abducted, taped up, raped and left to die. Guess her pal would not like to see that T-shirt.

Remember the English punk group wore Auschwitz prisoner uniforms and created such controversy? They were going for the shock factor but had underestimated the vehemence of the survivors and the power of the Anti-Defamation League.

The older you get, the more life experiences you have and more opportunities to be offended at humor or lame attempts to it. And sure, we shouldn't take ourselves so seriously and I love irreverent humor but sometimes wonder if truly biting dark humor is just for the young, the immature and the insulated.

I hope not.

I think.

Monday, July 17, 2006

I Got Hot Nuts!

This weekend Will and I went with John to retrieve items out of his Katrina flooded house in New Orleans. It was truly as awful as I imagined.

We had a few laughs though. John has totally subscribed to the hand-out way of life. If there is a line for something free, he gets in it. Kind of like a reverse Mardi Gras parade.

As we approached the Seventeenth Street levee, we saw a charity group distributing MREs and water. John instructed Will to slow down 'cause he spied another guy with snacks. We rolled down the window in time to hear the guy say, "I got hot nuts." Of course, I giggled. He then asked Will if he wanted some hot nuts. Will said, "I don't believe I do." I cackled and shouted to the guy that maybe he should put some ointment on his hot nuts. He grinned.

So then we went in the house to see what we could see. Will scrambled up the attic stairs like an agile monkey and we salvaged some Christmas and Mardi Gras decorations. At one point we were all standing on the sidewalk, taking a breather when Will dropped this gem. "Dude, your house is FUCKED up." Thank you for that report, Will.

So then God got Will back when Will cut his wrist on the garage door glass. We Cajun-rigged it with electrical tape and paper towels. Thankfully John's misshapen head sustained no injuries.

Oh, John made us stop at another distribution site so he could get some hand sanitizer. He walked away with a crossword puzzle book, 4 candy bars and a box of 100 Tampons. The tampons he gave to me.

While in John's bedroom, John reached into his closet to show us a piece of clothing. Will stopped him from disturbing the contents and rustling even more moldy dust. He said, "There are a lot of clothes in there but not a bit of fashion. Leave it."

That is our report from New Orleans, Louisiana.

Hot nuts or tampons, anyone?

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Reality Show Audition

Hello All!

Nope, not packing my bags for fame THIS week.

Here is the story my participation in the open audition for Apprentice - both the Trump and Martha editions were combined.

I arrived at 7:45 to find a decent line of folks ahead of me. A chat with the mall security dude revealed that about 15 people camped out overnight. Wristbands were distributed at 9AM and I was number 85. Number 35 arrived at 7. The total group count was 191.

We were lucky enough to line up indoors near the food court and use the chairs. The food court vendor dude provided free coffee and the smoothie folks gave us samples. I noted a tall dude about the 50 person mark that stood up the entire morning with a silly smile on his face and thought "what a goof ball". Later noticed my line mates were snickering in his direction and we determined that indeed that tall dude was the American Idol reject that sang "Eye of the Tiger" so dreadfully. Unfortunately, that was the only celebrity sighting of the day.

I brought a book to pass the time in case I was near a bunch of losers but am glad to report that my line mates were very interesting. Of course I got the "you look familiar, do we know each other" that I get all the time. This was from dude in the row in front of me. He then asked if I had "any hobbies that take me out of town?" with a what I thought to be a leer. Geez, Louise, as if I would tell a total stranger that I enjoy auto-erotic asphyxiation in our first meeting. Turns out the dude just has a facial tic and told me that he is a dog show person. Okay.

Rick the insurance dude and Moesha the stafffing chick (in a turquoise suit, white hose, pumps and purse, God bless her) were interesting and very professional. No one really participated in making fun of the others in line until later when we spied an older female with a rolling suitcase and a brimming tote bag full of craft projects, pralines and smocked dresses. Maybe she thought this was the "Wickedly Perfect" reality show audition?

Interviews in groups of 9 began, slowly. The audition leader was Kristin (a young cute female) who opened by saying that we were to make ourselves noticed by addressing her topics in our own communication style, cursing was fine. I may have shot myself in the foot by not immediately yelling out, "Hey Labia, shut the fuck up, you fuckin' fuck!" But I digress.

We introduced ourselves around the table. She asked if we were watching this season and asked if we were lying when we all said yes. She went on to ask if Martha is better than Trump, if or when a female candidate would win the Apprentice, etc. A landscape architect chick always spoke first or second with a loud dude next to me following. I waited for dude to pause and threw in my two cents. The meek and polite were not heard.

The audition closed with Kristin instructing us to do an Apprentice style exercise with each of us selecting a team leader (not ourselves ) and one person to fire. Most selected a team leader from the line mates that we were most familiar with. And, as expected, one arrogant dude insisted on selecting himself. (No big surprise since the same jackass handed Kristin a 75 page bound booklet with his application.)

I am glad to report that I was not fired by anyone but nor was I selected as team leader. My "fired" selection was the young pup next to me because he was so soft spoken. He took a couple more hits for the same reason (people copying ME, as always) and Rick hit him 'cause he wore flip flops. Go Rick! One chick fired a dude because "he looked like he THINKS he knows everything and I just don't like him". Whoa! Another got a hit for borrowing a pen and filling out his application while in line. Kristin seemed to be amused and entertained by this part of the session.

She then dismissed us by saying that call backs would be placed Saturday night so answer our phones even if we thought it was a telemarketer. I knew then that NO one in our group would be called back due to the fact that she was not looking at the applications fanned out in neat order in front of her. She was not matching applications with names and faces or making eye contact. UNLESS she is just that good at casting and keeping a poker face. I doubt it.
No Polaroids taken, no video camera.

That was it. Glad that I tried out because it was interesting but man, what pressure it must be "On" all the time. Never mind, not for me. I will just have to choose my own moments of being ON and yelling out profanities when I feel like it.

Shut the fuck up, Labia!

Pack your meat holes!

Right after our hurricane, I heard on the radio that our fair mayor asked all homeowners to dispose of rotting food by digging a meat hole in their yard. He further said that it was permissible to place cheese in your meat hole. And eggs, if your meat hole is large enough. It is okay to have a both a front meat hole and a back meat hole. That is, for your front yard and backyard.
My brother Rollo dug a large hole for his rancid meat and he said it was so hot that he actually perspired into his meat hole. Then he packed it so much that his meat hole was mounded. (Now, eight months later, the meat hole is just now getting level.) The neighbor Pete recommended lime for the meat hole but I find that I like lemon best. For those keeping a kosher household, separate the meat from the dairy in two different meat holes.
And keep an eye out for dogs, they'll be rootin' around your meat hole if you don't watch out.
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