Friday, October 31, 2008

According to Elizabeth

"People that grow roses are crazy."

Everything I Needed to Know about Wrestling

I learned from our dog Wolf and my youngest nephew Gregory.

Wolf was a huge female German Shepherd who took delight in sitting on her opponents. Somehow she would trick the other dog in a surprise move and just sit on them. And smile. The pinned dog would yelp or even bark but Wolf just sat there a laughing sphinx. Thrashing around in the dirt was not becoming to a well-bred and beautiful girl like Wolf so she opted for heavy sitting.

Nephew Gregory is smaller than his big brother Walter but no problem. When Walter pushed Gregory into aggression, Gregory would hug his brother around the neck, buckle his knees and allow his full weight to fall to the ground thus bringing his brother down with him. It is a sophisticated move and Gregory has deployed it with much success.

When you are in your next bar brawl, do yourself a favor to remember one of these amazingly simple but effective moves because really it is all you really need to know.


I registered to vote 26 times
but all I got was a T-shirt
and 5 cigarettes.

--as heard on Jay Thomas' show on Sirius satellite radio

Friday, October 24, 2008

Sammy's new favorite spot

Is on the table next to the sofa.
This is Sammy, in all of his fabulosity, reaching for the remote control.

Too slow, fat cat! Maybe next time!

Monday, October 20, 2008

New Orleans Saints - who cares?

Back in the day, when I lived in New Orleans, my Saints season tickets were both a blessing and a bane. When the Saints were winning, there was no problem finding someone to go the games with me. But there were plenty of times when I drove to the Superdome holding my tickets out the window and waiting for the friendly pedestrian scalper to offer me next to nothing for my unused tickets.
I cheered, I danced, I ate many a nasty Dome Dog, drank I don't know how many beers, cocktails and daiquiris. I wore the colors. Laughed when hecklers yelled that they watched "Gone With The Wind" and fast forwarded to see Atlanta burn, over and over. And I believed in the Saints. But sure as shit, time after time, the Saints would lose it in the last quarter. Leading by 10 points, the Saints seemed to take a fall to the mat and lose it all in the remaining 4 minutes.
To amuse myself, I began spinning empty Domino's pizza boxes over the rail to the loge seats. If ever you sat in the Dome and were beaned by a pizza box, ice or other flying object, it was probably me. But I defer to blame to the Saints. If those doggone idiots had kept me interested, you would have escaped injury. Once I threw confetti and the aging couple in front of me made the fatal error of showing displeasure. Duuuuude, don't do that, that just encourages me. At the close of the game, the old man turned around to glare at me and say, "I hope you die before next season." I laughed and said in my best and friendliest sorority girl voice, "You tooooooooo!"
Back to the Saints rant,
Then I finally had a moment of clarity. You can have a winning team or you could have a profitable team. Tom Benson chose profitable. Heck, he didn't even have to pay for a stadium. Mo' money, mo' money.
And I am bitter. Just like you wish some past boyfriends well and some you wish the worst kind of hell to visited upon them, I consider the Saints to be an ex-boyfriend of the latter ilk. Their losses bring me a joy. I love to hear talk of the team moving to another state.
I had some good times in the Dome. Been there, done that. Not gonna do it again. Who dat talkin' 'bout beatin' them Saints? Not me. Don't care.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Funny stuff

from my friend Elizabeth:
"Wish you were here today because the handyman is coming later."

overheard, from a veteran male beer bitch to a newbie male beer bitch, at an all-female bingo game night:
"Dude, drink up. Take a shot. Take two. All I am saying is that the last thing you want to do is go in there sober."

Friday, October 10, 2008

Just stuff

What's up with women dating younger men? No, no I have no problem with it but why does every single chick feel compelled to tell me how much younger her man is IN HER FIRST THREE MINUTES of talking? Could be that I have spoken to a chick that never acknowledged the youth of her main squeeze . Dudes are so much more subtle if their honey is young, usually they are much happier to brag about the hotness factor.

Have you watched "Breaking Bad" on AMC? My friend Elizabeth recommended it so after resisting for 9 months or so I finally checked it out and must say it is pretty compelling weirdness. AND "Pushing Daisies" is back.

Whoa, just checked my profile and it has over 600 hits. Dang!

Is it weird that an ex-boyfriend sent me a link to his photography site and it included nudes? Male and female nudes? NAKED nudes?

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Negative ads? I love 'em!

Feeling ranty this week so am ready to slap the sunshine outta the next dolt that says they don't like "all those negative political ads". Me? I love 'em! The more negative, the better. If the opposing candidate sodomized 4 neighborhood children, cheated on his taxes or stole a pack of gum, I wanna hear about it. It's better than reality TV, it IS reality TV. MY candidate needs to have the cojones to call someone out and perform some trash talk. Call a spade a spade. I have no respect for an above the board election, in fact, those who do not "stoop" to street fight tactics make me think them weak and have something to hide.
Sling the shit, pal. I'm watching.
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