Quote of the day

Jay Thomas watched some "brown people" on CNN on Monday and commented that "I couldn't decide if street folks I was seeing were in Haiti or New Orleans".
Oy.

--Jay Thomas Show on Sirius satellite radio

Quote of the day

heard this snippet today on Sirius satellite radio's Book Channel:

A jealous man has self-contempt ~~
meaning he supposes another to be better than himself.

Quote of the day

I am trying to make chicken salad out of chicken shit.

--uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius satellite radio show
when his guest was less than interesting

Check out my party muscle

My radio boyfriend Jay Thomas appeared on Howard Stern's Sirius satellite radio show today and explained his fun loving ways are because he is from Louisiana. Howard's sidekick Robin Quivers then declared that Jay has "party muscle"!

You people can best believe Louisianaians have a party muscles! And even if dormant, never atrophied.

Oooh, walk into a dive bar with a good jukebox and an old drunk guy with cash falling out his pockets leaning against the bar, all my buds laughing at a table and watch my party muscles quiver.

"I gotcha party muscle right he-yaaaaaa!"

Edit: Party muscles should not be confused with Kegels. But hey, they go together just fine.

What did YOUR parents hit you with?

(Yes, the title has a dangling preposition but it is not about the angle of the dangle, it's about the heat of the meat.)

Anywho, Jay Thomas (my Sirius radio boyfriend) opened the phone lines to listeners after his sidekick revealed that her dad pelted a pack of frozen hot dogs at her. The calls were hilarious.

No frozen hot dogs winged at MY head but Mom liked her rigid plastic hairbrush for butt swats. Unfortunately, she did not concern herself with the bristle angle. One angry snap of plastic ~OR~ the agony of a thousand bristles? Which will it be? It was Russian roulette of the ass cheeks.

I now remind Mom that I will be the one to select the nursing home.

Quote of the day

That must be like eating the devil's asshole.

--as uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius satellite radio show

Quote of the day

You should not be a victim of your own sophistication.

--Jay Thomas

Quote of the day

Marriage.

It turns your dreams into a hobby.

--as uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius XM radio show

Quote of the day

"That's the kind of music that you listen to

on your way home from getting an abortion."

--as uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius XM satellite radio show,

after hearing his producer's unfortunate choice of music

Quote of the day

Billy Joel looks like a retired racoon.

-uttered by Jay Thomas on his Sirius XM satellite radio show

Quote of the day

My carbon footprint is bigger than yours.

~~as uttered by Jay Thomas, on his Sirius radio show

That's nasty

Listening to Jay Thomas this week on Sirius and laughed when he said the popular hit song "Yummy, Yummy, Yummy" (Ohio Express - 1968) was about oral sex so curiosity got the best of me and I read the lyrics. Those kids were singing about "love honey". NASTY, I tell ya! Video here.

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

And I feel like a-lovin you

Love, you're such a sweet thing

Good enough to eat thing

And it's just a-what I'm gonna do

Ooh love to hold ya

Ooh love to kiss ya

Ooh love I love it so

Ooh love you're sweeter

Sweeter than sugar

Ooh love I won't let you go

Yummy, Yummy, Yummy, I got love in my tummy

And as silly as it may seem

The lovin' that you're giving

Is what keeps me livin'

And your love is like peaches and cream

Kind-a like sugar

Kind-a like spices

Kind-a like, like what you do

Kind-a sounds funny

But your love honey

And honey, I love you

Quote of the day

Every time a friend succeeds,

I die a little.

--Jay Thomas, as uttered on his Sirius satellite radio program

Quote of the day

"You know what they say:

Spare the Taser, spoil the child."

--as uttered today by Howard Stern on Sirius satellite radio

Acorn

I registered to vote 26 times
but all I got was a T-shirt
and 5 cigarettes.

--as heard on Jay Thomas' show on Sirius satellite radio

Word of the Day

Today's word is courtesy of Jay Thomas, Sirius satellite radio personality

Pre-landfill noun: all that crap at WalMart and the dollar stores. Usually but not exclusively constructed of plastic. The stuff you usually receive from co-workers and in-laws that don't really like you.

Use in a sentence:
Ugh, my mother-in-law's taste runs to the likes of pre-landfill.

(This is the time of year that you see massive amounts of pre-landfill. Christmas gifts purchased and regifted but still not tossed, Mardi Gras trinkets, sappy and cheap Valentine's Day gifts such as those stupid stuffed bears, etc. Next round of pre-landfill - Easter crap. )

gross

How hungry would you have to be?

To eat Vienna sausages?
Yesterday, while listening to the Whatever Girls on Sirius radio, callers described their favorite canned food. (I know, I know, a lame subject but my driving commute is about 4 minutes.) Anywho, a caller said that she really enjoyed what I heard to be "those veiny sausages". Ugh! I am thinking something gross like hog head cheese or some other fancy schmancy acquired taste food. Alas, no. This chick meant VIENNA sausages. THAT's gross but even worse was the mental image of veiny sausages in that oh-too-awful-human-flesh color that canned sausages impart.
(I just gagged.)
And I am not even going to the idea that they resemble baby penises.
So, just passing on the joy that has plagued me since yesterday.
Thanks for stopping by!
Hungry?