Monday, April 23, 2007

Manure, anal rape, Asian mass killers and douchebags -- deep thoughts and overheard conversations

So there I was, ringing the doorbell to a Beach Drive mansion thinking, Note to self: before inviting 100 folks to your home, perhaps calculate time it takes for the fresh manure to mellow to a less offensive level than Really Recent Dog Crap.
Chick 1:
Last night I experienced a violent anal rape. I was alone. The too-large-in-diameter compacted bowel movement left me with a feeling of shame, skittishness and an inability to look people in the eye.
Chick 2:
That's the worst; it's been years since I was sodomized by my internals and it still makes me feel a little hurt. And empty.
I find it unbelievable that Virginia Tech had more than one Asian student measuring over six feet tall. But even more unbelievable, the gunman's roommates heard the same news with the same description, never made a phone call to the authorities, WENT TO BED and were surprised when armed police officers stormed their dorm room the following morning. "That's when we knew it must have been Cho."
Wow! That speaks volumes about the intellect and logic of the killer's suite mates.
Dude 1 to Dude 2:
Hey, douchebag, where's my beer?
Chick 1 to Chick 2, with no apparent awareness of hearing the previous:
You know, I have only douched a couple times in my life. What about you?

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

Hurricanes and Skateboards

Last week, my life mate, TiVo, recorded an unlikely show for me. Using his artificial intelligence and my Wish List key word option of "New Orleans", TiVo found "DRIVE skateboarding" on Fuel TV.

Skateboarder dude Mike Vallely visits New Orleans (Season 2 Episode 3) to survey the hurricane Katrina damage. Mike begins in the historic French Quarter with beautiful video of skateboarders. The interviews are geared toward the skate culture before and after Katrina (in New Orleans speak, that is pre-K and post-K). New challenges and playgrounds are created by storm debris, abandoned buildings, and junked construction materials. But the tour of the Ninth Ward erased all thoughts of skateboarding and Mike was eloquent in his words that he could not consider skating where so many lost so much. Black and white images of terrible destruction illustrate without deliberate emotional manipulation.

As a 42 year old woman whose only link to skateboarding is my junior high boyfriend, I am not Fuel TV's desired demographic much less a DRIVE skateboarding viewer. But I am a fan. I thank Drive for respecting the pain of the damaged areas. The victim's trauma was not trivialized by skaters having fun on their ruined properties. And skater kids can see a different view of New Orleans and hurricane Katrina aftermath not found anywhere else.

Check out the 3 minute video,

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

I Got a Case of Doll Hate Today

Was just thinking that Holly Hobby is stooopid. Her and all of her friends. What exactly are they hiding under those giant bonnets? Rasta dreadlocks? Gallon-sized ZipLock bags of pot? Or maybe just their ginormous waterheads.

Holly better watch her back. (Can she? Is she able?) I'll cut the bitch. Don't think I won't.

And those whore Bratz dolls? Don't even get me started. They should be sold with a stripper pole.

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