Friday, October 26, 2007

Shut The Hell Up air freshener

My wisenheimer friend Kay gave me a SHUTTHEHELLUP air freshener but it was just too stinky for my sensitive nose so I put it in my dad's brand new day-old truck. He never said a word about it. Wasn't sure if he even noticed it these last few weeks. Just this morning, I flagged him down as he was backing out. I pointed to it and asked, "Hey, is that thing working for ya?"
He said, "I don't know what the hell it is."
To which I answered, "I think it is supposed to shut people the hell up."
He replied, "Then I guess I would have to say no, it doesn't work too well" with barely a wry smile while the automatic window went up and the truck moved away from me while standing in the street.
I am the daughter of 2 smart asses. Sometimes I forget that.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

I Know What Makes The World Go 'Round, Parts 1 & 2

Part 1:
I think NASCAR is stoopid. It is a giant money making venture ba-a-arely disguised as a sport. But a NASCAR fan may look at my love of crafts with disdain, thinking: why make something when you could just buy it? With a NASCAR logo at that?
Thus, THAT is what makes the world go 'round. We do not like the same thing. We are not SUPPOSED to like the same thing. And thank goodness. Otherwise, we would have 1 television channel, 1 store, 1 church, 1 house, etc. Otherwise, I would make a play for your husband. You like to watch "Desperate Wives" (eww) and I enjoy "Mad Men". (It's good, check it out on AMC. Or not.)
Once upon a time, I made fun of folks and their ill-chosen preferences. Okay, I still do. But now I add, "Sure, she LIKES her urine-colored PT Cruiser and gold anklet worn with tan pantyhose but hey, that's what makes the world 'round." (Note, I never say "around". That's stoopid.)
Part 2:
Everyone thinks they can spend your money better than you. For the same amount of money that you spent on your car, house or vacation, THEY could have selected something better.

Why does she would live in ---- when she could live in ----?
Why spend $-- on a -- when you could have bought a --, for less?
Going to -- is stoopid, they should have vacationed to --.

So, the monster truck show this weekend? You'll be in the first row? Good for you.
That's what makes the world go 'round.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Watch out for geese!

At 5:00 AM yesterday morning I was driving to the gym when I spied something dark on the street. Judging by the height of the dark shadow, I omitted a dead dog or cat. When my headlights aligned with the middle of a four way stop sign intersection, I could have sworn I saw the outline of a goose. As I approached I was struck by the stillness of the bird. That goose is not even scared of a vehicle, I thought.
When I stopped at the sign I then realized that the figure was indeed a goose, albeit a concrete goose. Some wisenheimer placed a nearly three foot high lawn ornament in the middle of intersection. I gotta tell ya, it tickled me. The prankster perfectly situated the goose so that it was in the dead center. If you were traveling at a safe speed and manner, the goose posed no threat. Wishing I had my camera I drove on.
An hour later, I had my camera phone in hand and was anticipating a dark but funny photograph to share with you people. Alas, no. Just a couple of concrete fragments and a scratch in the road. Wait, there's the goose, on its side, laying in the grass. Why did the goose cross the road?
Then I saw two thin lines of liquid on each side of the scratch. Hmmmm. I followed the fluid trail to a house near mine. A car and a truck were parked in the front. Did one of those hit the goose?

So, lesson of the day: Even if a concrete goose shouldn't be in the middle of the street, that doesn't mean you shouldn't look for one. Ya'll be careful now, hear?

Returned for photo
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