Monday, April 23, 2007

Manure, anal rape, Asian mass killers and douchebags -- deep thoughts and overheard conversations

So there I was, ringing the doorbell to a Beach Drive mansion thinking, Note to self: before inviting 100 folks to your home, perhaps calculate time it takes for the fresh manure to mellow to a less offensive level than Really Recent Dog Crap.
Chick 1:
Last night I experienced a violent anal rape. I was alone. The too-large-in-diameter compacted bowel movement left me with a feeling of shame, skittishness and an inability to look people in the eye.
Chick 2:
That's the worst; it's been years since I was sodomized by my internals and it still makes me feel a little hurt. And empty.
I find it unbelievable that Virginia Tech had more than one Asian student measuring over six feet tall. But even more unbelievable, the gunman's roommates heard the same news with the same description, never made a phone call to the authorities, WENT TO BED and were surprised when armed police officers stormed their dorm room the following morning. "That's when we knew it must have been Cho."
Wow! That speaks volumes about the intellect and logic of the killer's suite mates.
Dude 1 to Dude 2:
Hey, douchebag, where's my beer?
Chick 1 to Chick 2, with no apparent awareness of hearing the previous:
You know, I have only douched a couple times in my life. What about you?

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