Monday, August 02, 2010

How to shock my neighbor


Before the even more retarded dog moved in next door, the other neighbor's little yappy dog irritated me with his incessant barking. After a few weeks of the new puppy's unnecessary noise, I told the neighbor dude, "Y'know, I grew up with dogs and adore them but for the first time in my life, I finally understand those stories about an unhappy neighbor poisoning the barking dog."
He stood there for a minute, trying to figure out if I was pulling his leg, bent over to pick up his incredibly stoopid Dachsund and said, "Wow, that's cold, Leezra."
"I didn't say I would poison a dog, Tommy, I'm just saying I understand it. And besides, poisoning would be more efficient than locating and cutting out a dog's voice box. I have a weak stomach, y'know."
His dog hasn't been in my yard for weeks now.

6 comments:

Kimberly said...

You should perform those civic duties on the owner not the dog. There are no bad dogs only bad dog owners.

Teresa Evangeline said...

Besides reading your current fun(ny) stuff, I'm having a good deal of fun going back and reading your previous posts. Nothing more maddening than small dogs in a tizzy.

Cooking Asshole said...

you should shit on his lawn

SkitzoLeezra said...

C.A. - you're a dollar and day too late. I shit on his lawn daily.
Kim - poison doesn't kill dogs; people kill dogs.
Teresa Evangeline - how wonderful! Recommending a backstroke thru my blog for everyone's reading pleasure,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

UBERMOUTH said...

hahahaha ! That's great!

I HATE those sausage dogs.

giddy99 said...

Years ago, I caught my neighbor letting her dog POOP in my yard EARLY in the morning, and attempting to sneak away (like a dirty, beady-eyed weasel-rat). I threw the window open and hollered down at her, and she creeped back to scoop her dog poop up and take it with her... I took her picture all bent over (not attractive). :)

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