Monday, October 25, 2010

Get out of the kitchen

Every damn party and some idiot makes the comment that no matter how much room there is, everyone ends up in the kitchen.

And there I was Wednesday night, doing party assistance as a volunteer helper, wondering which old crone was gonna receive my kick to her hip to propel her out of my damn way so I could replenish the party tray.

"Oh hello dear, I seem to be in your way, don't I? You know, folks always seem to congregate in the kitchen. Hi there Samantha, how are you? How's your mother? I saw her last week . . . "

Yep, the old bitch didn't move. Just kept on blathering. I was so tempted to jam the party tray in her rapidly deteriorating osteoporosis ridden bones but instead I bit the inside of my mouth and counted to way the fuck over 10.
Another withering ancient further blocked me, AFTER glancing at my party tray.

FINALLY, I said "Ladies, I need to get by you to refill the platter."
Did they move?
Baaaaaarely.
I was halfway hoping my high heel might have nicked one of them while I silently rehearsed my best Gordon Ramsay* impression.

On the way back, the hired help was attempting to open the freezer door while 3 ladies refused to cede her the swing space.

"What are you looking for, Miss Help?" the most pleasant Wheel of Fortune fan asked.

"Ice," said the barely terse hired.

"Oh, look in the freezer."

That's when my now unhinged smart mouth reached its self editing limit and blurted "Oh, is that where it should be? Miss Help, do you see ice IN THE FREEZER? How wonderful! Yes, you can hand it to me since you don't have enough room to turn around."

WHAT
THE
HELL?!



Those of you who find yourselves in the kitchen at the next party, take a look and have some self awareness. Did anyone need to open a drawer you are leaning against? Did the party host decorate and clean her whole MonkeyFighting house for your inspection and enjoyment? Are you blocking the refrigerator?

Strike all that, I don't give a damn about the answers.
Get the fuck out of the kitchen.
You are in the way.
I don't care if you are more comfortable in the kitchen.
You are being rude.
And I dislike you immensely.

Have a blessed day, y'hear?

*

4 comments:

Louisiana Belle said...

Sheesh. How daft can one be? I see this sort of behavior in stores all the time. You know, the ones that leave their cart in the center of s narrow aisle, then walk across and dominate the card section? It makes me wonder if people have lost their sense of awareness. Drives me nuts.

giddy99 said...

It's TRUE; people WILL congregate in the kitchen... UNLESS (like I learned this past weekend), you have a bonfire or firepit outside (the preferred location for fires, incidentally). People will FLOCK to a fire. At your next shindig, set a fire outside - they'll empty the kitchen, I promise. :)

Rikki Tikki Tavi said...

Think she would have moved faster if you had said, "Move it, old bag!"

Cooking Asshole said...

When I go to parties I intentionally hang out in the kitchen to make it more difficult and stressful for the host.

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