Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Chicken Noodle Soup . . . . . . .$76.00

Found this e-mail in my file and KNOW you will enjoy the story.

Written by Chrysanthemum:

I must share this tale of daily goings on at the Chrysanthemum ranch.......

As you know, we have 2 house dogs. Lilly and Ozzie are part Pekingese and part poodle. Ozzie has more poodle in him and it shows in his hair. On Friday, his hair had reached its limit. He looked like a sheep that needed shearing. So I took him to the groomer, Touch of New York Grooming by Perry. Perry shaved him down and we all had a good laugh at naked little Ozzie.

When we got home, I decided that I would need to go get Ozzie a sweater or something since it was sooo cold outside and he loves to go outside. Unfortunately, I could not find a sweater or anything in an XS size, so I went to the baby department where I purchased a lovely velour shirt with a little snowman on the front. Size 0-3 months fits just fine on Ozzie :-)

On Saturday, Ozzie didn't move around much and would shake like he was cold. He didn't want to go outside, play or anything he usually does. I was concerned, so I went on-line and read that I could give him Tylenol for fever and aches and pains. So I did just that and carried him to bed with us and put him on a heating pad. He never moved. Sunday same as Saturday.

On Monday, step-daughter Whitney was sick and I stayed home with her. I was going to take Ozzie to the vet, but he seemed better. He ate some Cheerios and walked around a bit. I gave him some more Tylenol and thought he was on his way to recovery from some type of bug or something.

Tuesday morning,Whitney was still sick and stayed home. She called me around noon and said she was worried about Ozzie. He was really shaking even though she had him wrapped in a heating pad. So we called the vet and made an appointment. We couldn't find anyone to take him.....except for Whitney's mother/Ronald's ex-wife. Lovely. But Whitney was convinced we needed to get Ozzie to the vet soon.

At 3:10, Whitney called me to tell me the results of the vet visit. Ozzie is DEPRESSED. Seems that the sheep shearing incident traumatized him, causing him not to eat or drink and to shake uncontrollably. Turns out I should have been giving him Ronald's Prozac instead of Tylenol.

Now for the cure. A doggy IV, a shot and go home and feed him CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP. And of course, positive reinforcement. "Ozzie, your hair looks so cool!" and "Ozzie, you are one sharp looking dog."

And yes, all that for $76.00.

I told Chrysanthemum that it was her own damn fault for putting the poor dog in a velour snowman sweater. Oh Fuh Gawd!
Ernest concurred.
This from Mallys:
Just in case you run out of $76 affirmations, here's some more for you to try, Chrysanthemum:

"Yo, Ozzie, is yo daddy a terrorist, 'cuz you da bomb!"

"A little fresh cracked pepper for your soup, monsieur?"
"Hey, see that little whippet over there? She is, like, TOTALLY checking you out!"

"Ozzie, with that great new hair cut, it's gonna be sooooo easy for all your friends to smell your butt!"

"That new haircut really slims you down, Ozzie. I've got a call in to Calvin Klein: I think you're just the spokesdog they're looking for for their new underwear campaign: 'Peek-a-Boo? Peek-a-Poo!!'"

Love and warm fuzzies to Ozzie,

(whose vet has, in fact, recommended that she give Princeton The Cat transdermal Prozac. I'm too afraid I'll be rubbing it inside my **OWN** ears and Princeton will still be gnawing like a fiend at his tail. . . .)

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