Friday, September 14, 2007

Please resusitate these words

Use these words as much as you can as to reinvigorate increased usage.

  • glove box
  • I swan or I swanee
  • dungarees
  • tore up (as in, distressed)
  • ice box
  • pocket book
  • necking
  • petting
  • familiar ("the new preacher was too familiar with the females")
  • forward ("she is so forward in her social interactions")
  • foundation garment
  • notions
  • nary a one
  • directly (as in, "I will get back to ya directly")
  • enjoy ("oh, my, how I have enjoyed this pair of shoes")
  • proud ("we'd be proud to have you over tomorrow")
  • bless your heart
  • fair to middlin'
  • hissy fit
  • much obliged

1 comment:

Mallys said...

Can we please PUH-LEAZE remove "fair to middlin'"? I used to (sort of) work for this reprehensible human being who (every time you had the misfortune to be forced into a social situation in which you would have to ask him how he was) would drawl, dragging out his syllables in faux Southern gentility, "Ohhhhh, fayah tah middlin', Ahhhh suppoazzze. Fayah tah middlin'."

It made my freaking skin crawl.

This was the man who was making 6 figures, but would SLEEP through his obligations (no lie: he'd be giving a lecture and would fall dead asleep mid-sentence). He was 80+ years old and refused to retire, because he didn't want to free up his salary so his boss could hire a productive employee. Because of the structure of the organization, it would almost require an act of congress to fire him.

He fancied himself a "Southern gentleman," which as far as I could tell translated into his spouting horrifically small-minded comments (about The Jews, The Gays, The Blacks) and wanting The Help (translation: me) to fan him with a palmetto leaf after I brought him a mint julep. (Okay, that mint julep is an exaggeration, but the hate spewing is not. For example, he called his boss a "professional Jew" because the boss brought in a menorrah in December, when Fair to Middlin' would have preferred that The Help decorate the office with Christmas kitsch.)

In a display of risible passive aggressiveness (when I started back-talking about the racist, misogynist, homophobic, anti-Semitic views), he handed me a Christmas "thank-you" gift certificate to Honey Baked Ham as he said, "You're a vegetarian, aren't you?"

Ohhhhhh, that "fair to middlin'" is like freaking nails on a chalkboard.

But I'm all about "familiar" and "foundation garment." I believe that just the other day, I said, "You know what wouldn't hurt that woman one bit? A quality foundation garment."


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