My grandmother said

The best way
to get over a man
is to get
underneath
another one.

Mel Gibson's latest quote (of the day)

"You will fucking smile
and
BLOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW
me!"

Party ingredients

Because that's how Rikki Tikki Tavi rolls.

From my sainted grandmother

If you spay,
you won't
fear the spray.

Duh of the Day - get spayed!

No shit, that crazy ass octomom hyena laugher Nadya Suleman willingly posed with PETA's new campaign ad

Don't let your dog or cat
become an "octomom

in exchange for $5000 and a month's supply of veggie hotdogs.

Suleman, 34, acknowledged she put the sign on her door partly for the money but added her support of PETA is sincere.

"I love animals and I do believe they should be spayed or neutered," she said. "Humans of course are much different."

Duh, wacked out breeder! Humans are much different. Trust me on this, it's so much more difficult to jam humans into my a back seat and force them into sterilization but just like a cute but stupid dog or cat, some two-leggeds shouldn't make their own breeding decisions. Talk to any reputable dog breeder and they'll liken Nadya to a puppy mill. I'm just sayin', if my neighbor allowed their hormonally deranged mama dog sporting pavement dragging teats to produce 14 litters of puppies within 8 years, they should probably expect a visit from the parish* animal shelter or zoning commission.

*county to the rest of "you people"

Tumor comparisons

Should you describe the size of a tumor or any other gross medical mass, PLEASE, for the love of ME, would you NOT compare it to a fruit but instead use sports balls?


The conjured visual of tumors and food is unsettling.

And while we're at it, can we NOT say someone was "fingered for the crime"? It seems to provoke a clenching sensation.

Al Gore's inconvenient erection

~OR~ Douche of the Day


My birthday gift arrived right on time with news of Al Gore's unwanted sexual advances upon a hired masseuse.

I want to believe it.
I hope her saved pants from their encounter really do have traces of his "DNA".
I'd like to start a new catch phrase ~~
"I got your global warming right here!"
(Must be paired with the requisite crotch grab.)

Please do your part by performing this phrase (with the grab) at least 3 times a day for the next week and let's see if it catches on.

Thanking you in advance,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra

You can help with the oil spill clean up effort

Yes, I know BP is responsible for the damage but many volunteer groups are participating and you can help.
Craft Hope is distributing cloths to several institutions, including the Institute for Marine Mammal Studies in Gulfport, Mississippi but now need financial help to store, distribute and ship the cloths.
~~OR~~ send directly to the IMMS at 10801 Dolphin Lane, Gulfport, MS 39503. Package up your cloths and label package with cloth specifications and quantity to aid quick dispersal. Want to do more? Throw in a bottle of Dawn dishwashing liquid. (Why Dawn?)
The IMMS website wish list indicates towels (any size) but Craft Hope specifications indicated wash cloth and hand towel size to be helpful. Larger towels are unwieldy for cleaning and handling animals. Get out your scissors and cut 10" X 10" squares or 14" X 27" rectangles. Think absorbent and think throwaway. If it is soft enough to wipe your skin, it's good. Cut up your towels, sheets, wash cloths, whatever. Loose threads could snag on animals so if you can sew, zigzag or serge those raw edges.
T-shirts are perfect because they don't fray nor require edge finishing. Don't include the printed portions of the T-shirts as they aren't absorbent. Cut off the short sleeves and leave as is; a gloved hand fits perfectly into it.
Here is link to more details about cloth specifications.
Get your friends and family involved, combine your contributions, send a big box of cloths and know that you are part of the solution. Plus, you probably de-cluttered your t-shirt stash and linen closet!
Many thanks!!!

Pigs on the loose

By now, you've heard Mel Gibson's racist rant toward his whore/baby mama: "You look like a fucking pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."

But what you don't know is the numerous reports of police officers stopping and questioning roving groups of suspicious dudes and the alarming trend the law enforcement now know. The cops asked where the group members were going and where they've been. More often than not, the dudes would say they've been seeking pigs in heat.

Be careful out there, y'hear?

Funniest rant ever

Mel Gibson tells his whore/baby mama, "I am going to come and burn the fucking house down... but you will blow me first."

What would be my retort?
"Dude, you'll need to rearrange your list with the first priority of making damn sure you pull out all my teeth!"