I'm the Happiest Girl in the Whole USA

Hello All,

Last year I met a guy at a Mardi Gras parade and we drunkenly exchanged cell phone numbers and my friend recently asked if we ever talked again. Anywho, no, Jay or James or whatever his name was, did not call me. Uh, maybe telling Jay's friend that I would lick Jay's taint isn't the most charming of approaches. Cross that one off.

Maybe I could use Kay's bar opening line to Drew. "Are you gay? 'Cause you must be since you are wearing an earring and haven't once approached me or my friends and we are the cutest (and only) girls in here."

Lynn met her husband online by smartassing him and making fun of his post, what with the misspellings and lower case use. Ah, love. It is elusive.

Meanwhile I am in the happiest girl in the whole U.S.A.

Every single time that I hear of any relationship strife, I break into Donna Fargo's refrain of "I'm the happiest girl in the whole USA." Last month, my maritally challenged cousin said that she was gonna kick out the husband, lose 15 pounds and get a boob job and then maybe SHE could be the happiest girl in the whole USA. To which, I told her that was not possible, maybe she be the happiest girl on Maria Drive 'cause the happiest girl in the whole USA wouldn't have an ex-husband or divorce woes. So cousin will just have the settle for Happiest Girl on Maria Drive for now.

Content to have (only) a big kitty in my bed,
thrilled to do what I want, when I want,
satisfied to not have children nor in-laws,
enjoying my own silences and own noise,
glad that no one asks me how my day went,
I am,
The Happiest Girl in the whole USA