Friday, August 29, 2008

Stupid crap that women do, a disclaimer

When you are single, never married and childless and dare to spout an opinion, stoopid folks will say that you couldn't possibly know what you are talking about since . . . And they may be right. But I don't have to be a proctologist to know that someone is full of shit.

Stupid crap that I have done? I'll admit to some but not all. Yes, I have actually asked, "what are you thinking?" but I claim that it was the 14 years old me and my boyfriend really did look like he was composing a thought.

But all you bitches out there that are hanging on to my every word thinking that your walk down the bridal aisle is just one more Skitzo Leezra blog entry away . . .you better hit the BACK button. I can tell ya how to get married: lower your standards.

Listen to my rants and you will find yourself alone with a fat cat and lots of time to do what the hell you want, when you want. And you may find that you refer to talk show hosts and book authors as your "boyfriends".

Once, in a bar, a guy yelled across the way to ask if I were a real redhead. I shouted back, "Shut the fuck up, you asshole!" My flabbergasted friend asked "Do you even WANT a boyfriend?!" She had no idea what the guy was really asking, dumb-ass that she was. (Blondes and redhead girls have been asked that question since puberty.) A co-worker once asked if I ever got lonely to which I replied, yeah, about once every month and a half. She wisely said that I should stay single until the lonely occurrence number went up substantially.

I've good information about what not to do.
Balance that with some good common sense.

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