How to accept an Oscar

First of all, if you are up for an Oscar award, make every effort to be in the category of lone performers but if not possible, attempt to perform the said job alone because if you are a member of a winning team, there is a good chance you'll never get close to the microphone. It amazes me that those gobsmacked idiots on the back row aren't sprinting to the stage. Run, I tell ya, grab that mic and get on it.
Let's just suppose that I were one of a five member team and we were one of four teams nominated so that's a 25% chance of winning. My control freak tendencies would be activated and there would most definitely be a rehearsal of our acceptance and I would go first, of course. A witty rehearsed speech, song or at least a rhyme would guarantee the avoidance of the orchestra playing us out. A few years ago, a team of guys mentioned a website address and said an acceptance speech had been previously recorded and their webmaster was instructed to post it if they won. That's planning and pro-active thinking, my friend.
If the back row teams don't have enough organization or wherewithal to plan for a win, perhaps 45 seconds, a dead microphone and a shameful rising of music is what they deserve. Forget that I said anything.
Now judging those groups and no longer feeling sorry for them,
I am,
Skitzo Leezra