I am alive

Hello good people.
I am not dead but my computer has become dyslexic!
Words and texts rearrange themselves with free will and I learn to curse in stronger and creative compound words.
Will seek computer repair soon and converse soon.
(And yes, that man of mine is still hanging around.)

This is just a test

So, Bachelor #1 has now become #1 Boyfriend, what with the exchange of the "L" word plus his gifts of water meter motif stuff and lip balms and all.  Yes, he knows what makes me happy.  Anywho, we were feeling especially close when we both revealed that interests of the past had made recent contact.

I received 2 texts from 2 previous suitors as did he.

"I think men can smell a commitment/challenge," I supposed.

"No, it's a karma test," #1 Boyfriend said.

"What's that," I ask as I tilt my head like a super hearing canine.

"You don't hear from someone until you have someone else in your life.  It is a test to see if you are okay with it."

Check out the deep thought from #1BF!! (Say it like Jules in Pulp Fiction.)

Two texts and phone numbers now deleted from my cell phone.  Yay, Karma!

I referred to my beau as "Bachelor #1" in front of my brother Rollo.

"Oh God! WHY are you calling him THAT?" Rollo asked.

"Because it sounds better than Future Ex-Boyfriend," was my sarcastic but enthusiastic retort.

"No, WHY are you calling him Bachelor # ONE?"

"Because he has moved to the top of the list," I explain but wonder why I am doing so.

"No, no, no, don't you know calling him Bachelor #1 is no good?" Rollo continued.

"Why not?  Isn't #1 the best?" I ask.

"No, that's what they want you to think.  Bachelor #1 always has something wrong with him.  Bachelor #1 never wins."

This is from the same guy that made me watch Johnny Quest and Star Trek.  When did Rollo watch "The Dating Game"?  Who knew that he cracked the code? 

My mom said

Mom recently said that some parents push their kids into doing what they themselves are too cowardly to do. The word "cowardly" caught my attention.

If a mom pushes her daughter in pageants, why isn't she competing in the "Mrs" pageants? 

If the dad goads his son into sports, why isn't he training for a competition?

Read all about it

Chrysanthemum checked into her hotel room, dropped her luggage and spied this 

magazine provided.

Wow.

WHORE magazine?

Fill in your joke now.

Love your neighbor

So last week my neighbors invited me to drink a beer with them on their back porch.  We chatted and caught up and then the conversation turned to health, old age and quality of life issues.

  

Tommy said, "Y'know, I always wanted to die having sex."

He cast a sideways glance at his wife and muttered, "but I guess that's not gonna happen."

Lessons from a bachelor

Remembered an observation from Bachelor #23.
When I go on the meet-and-greet dates from online contacts, I ask all the uncomfortable questions.  Get it out there and let's see how it goes. Mind you, I know I am getting a one-sided story. 

Anywho, I asked Bachelor #23 why he thought his marriage failed and what he wanted out of future relationships. 
"Appreciation," he revealed.

Tell me more, I urge.
Bachelor #23 said he gave and gave but his best and consistent care wasn't appreciated and eventually not even acknowledged by his ex-wife. While he elaborated, my mind wandered to past relationships and I understood exactly what he meant.

It's nice to be appreciated.  It feels good.

My wish for you today:
I am hoping you are being appreciated and aware enough to know your blessings.

Dating advice from the bachelors

Remember I told ya that I went on a bunch of dates when I signed on to the dating website?

A couple of seasoned guys actually offered a newbie like me some advice. (NO, jackholes, not what you're thinking!)

Anywho, Bachelor #11 told me to never trust a man who has never married. Hold up, I say, I've never married. Should I not be trusted? Nope, Bachelor #11 explains, any halfway decent guy that isn't even paying attention will have a woman trying to get him down the aisle. If said dude is 40 years old or older and never married, then he has absolutely nothing to offer because he would be taken already.

It kinda makes sense.

Bachelor #19 advised me to not let a guy move in with me. Puh-lease, so not gonna happen but elaborate please, Bachelor #19. He said no real man would need to move in because he would already have his own place. And if he didn't, he's a ne'er-do-well or a moocher. Okay, he didn't actually use the moniker of "ne'er-do-well" but I like seeing it in print.

And Bachelor #1 offered this insight when I told him I needed to tear down the wall that both protects and isolates me.

 "Just use a door," he said, "Let the wall protect you and open the door to who you want."

Cue your favorite Jim Morrison tune now.

What time is it?

It's wine:thirty, ya'll!

Remembering seeing this bumper sticker?

From back in the day?

As a small child, I remember not fully understanding it but also knowing not to ask for clarification.

Be still, my heart

Bachelor #1 was being sincere and complimentary when he said hanging with me was fun and that I was special.  Being the unromantic wisenheimer that I am, I snorted at the mention of "special".

Catching my reaction, he said, "Don't let any let anyone tell that you can't rock a bike helmet."

~ ~ swoon ~ ~

I loves me a smart ass.

Like I said

What?

Bachelor #1 and I didn't spend the Independence Day holiday together. We wondered why later. I thought he had plans. He figured I had a family commitment but didn't call because he heard my own damn words I said on our first date "how can I miss you if you don't go away?" in regards to having my space and not being smothered.

So, wait, Bachelor #1 listens and heeds?

He's gonna get kicked out of the Man Club if he keeps that up.

Or I had better watch my flippant attitude. 

Happy shit sandwich Monday

The Secret

An old timer customer bragged that he and his wife were married for over 50 years.

Wow, that's impressive, I reply.

Before you are too impressed, he tells me, I worked out-of-town most of the time.

So, that's the secret to a long marriage, I ask? Long periods of time away from each other?

Well, that and direct deposit, he admits.

If it itches

I wondered aloud if my boobs itched, did it mean they were growing, as my late great aunt Fay used to tell me? My male friend said, "Well, it certainly doesn't apply to crotch regions. Otherwise, I'd have a freaking beanstalk growing outta my pants."

Duh of the day

Anderson Cooper is gay. Really.

Later

I thought you were already dead.

Last night

a herd of us went to the Foreigner concert and heard some blasts from the past.  As in, cassette format past.

 

Feels Like the First Time

Cold As Ice

Double Vision

Dirty White Boy 

Head Games

Urgent

Waiting for a Girl Like You

I Want to Know What Love Is

Hot Blooded 

Then the guitarist threw out his remaining guitar picks.  Because I have superior Mardi Gras training, I spied a pick on the ground and placed my foot over it until I could bend over to retrieve it.  I offered it to Maura but she didn't want it.  As the crowd filed out, an older gentleman was bent over and looking on the ground nearby.  Enboldened by a couple gin and tonics, I asked "Whatchalookin' for?"

"I was hoping to find a guitar pick," was his answer.

"Here ya go.  It's yours," I say, as I fish the pick out of my pocket.

"Do you have another one?" he asked.

"What the FUCK, dude?  Seriously, you want me to produce another pick out of thin air for you?" was my smart ass reply.

"Um, no, I meant, did you keep one for yourself?  Because I didn't want to take it if it was your only one," he responded.

Feeling like a super bad person, I mumble, "Oh.  Sorry.  No, you can have it."

In the life of Skitzo Leezra, even nice comes with a tinge of bitch.

Dating observations

Wrote a post called "Another One Bites The Dust" and received supportive comments from Teresa Evangeline, Giddy99 and Louisiana Belle.

Teresa Evangeline said she "took herself out of the dating pool and someone would have to be dropped in her lap or left on her doorstep to make anything even possibly happen."

Well, I said the same exact thing for the last 11 years and absolutely nothing happened.  Read it again, nothing.  Nooooooooothing.  Are we clear? 

And I realized another 11 years would pass unless I became a little more vulnerable, a bit more approachable, a lot less isolated.

It's been an experience, these past few months.  

Thank God I don't daddy issues.  Three, count 'em, three guys were in hot pursuit only to disappear off the face of the earth. 

Chrysanthemum's cyber boyfriend reminds her all men are pigs.  And she and I supposed their only time spent out of the sty was when they pretended to be charming.  But enough of the men bashing.  Believe it or not, my cyber contacts have given me new faith in the other gender.  Plenty of 'em out there looking for real relationships.

I am weary.  Gonna take a hiatus from the dating and blog more.

Come back now, y'hear?