Monday, November 30, 2009

Stupid crap that women do, 7

Get pregnant.
You know I am NOT talking about the loving couple that has planned for their spawn.
No, I am talking about chicks that don't have enough self-respect and worth to consider what value they have without trying to hook a guy with an unplanned pregnancy. All these years, I have placed more responsibility on women to be the "gatekeeper" because it is women that typically pay the price for pregnancy and children but now am seeing the picture from the guy's angle. If he absolutely doesn't want to have children from a one night hook-up, casual fling or not-THE ONE-girlfriend, it's the guy that can now pay the price.
Dudes lie.
Chicks lie.
Chicks can lie about birth control.
Chicks can tear a condom.
In John Irving's book Cider House Rules there was a character named Herb Fowler that took great delight in flicking condoms to embarrassed folks but his secret was that the poked holes in every one. I read that book in college and never trusted a condom that was free for the taking.
Have you heard about the suggestion that guys should put hot sauce in their discarded condoms, if unable to flush away said jizz bag? You heard me. It is a deterrent supposedly recommended to stop gold diggers from bagging their ballers. Any chick that stoops that low to retrieve the seed deserves a fire crotch and ring of fire.
Dudes, you gotta be careful out there. Chicks will lie all day long and tell ya they don't want a relationship, they don't want children any time soon . . . and you can still be a daddy in nine months. Trust, schmust. The consequences are too dire.
Now, give me a guy with a vasectomy scar, I am intrigued and interested.

5 comments:

f1trey said...

ouch! rough weekend?

Yeah I got the scar......

it sounds bizarre but one time i catually got nervous and took the used goods with me! put it in my pocket no less.....

Kimberly said...

Celibacy!

SkitzoLeezra said...

Trey, I am close to making fun of you . . . a nasty condom in your pocket . . .the jokes almost write themselves but your nervousness was probably legit.

Kittie Howard said...

Leezra, you write the truth...I know of a couple of gals who got pregnant because they got scared as they approached 30 and wanted that Norman Rockwell family scene...

SkitzoLeezra said...

Kittie - I feel lucky for never wanting children thus, not tormented by a ticking clock or unresponsive eggs.
And I truly feel for those who want children and unable to conceive.

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