Speaking of gay

One of my favorite moments of Chris Rock's Bigger and Blacker stand up concert is Chris speaking of homophobia, the uncomfortable silence when he declared everyone in the room has a gay family member and the crowd's lack of response.

'Cause everybody in this room got at least a gay cousin. Every last one of you got a gay cousin or one that you wonder about.
(Chris stood smiling, waiting for them to ponder their family tree. There was a quiet moment then a wave of nervous laughter moved through the audience.)
You knew he was gay when y'all was kids. You was playing ball, he was jumping rope. He didn't turn gay, he was gay then. He just didn't have nobody to be gay with. Shit, I got a gay uncle. Call him Aunt Tom. Every Christmas, he comes over with his ''friend.'' See, it don't make no sense to hate nobody. It don't make no sense to be a racist, sexist, or nothing, . . .because whoever you hate will end up in your family. That's right, you don't like gays, you're gonna have a gay son.

I sat in my living room, laughing with Chris and running the family inventory. Dang, both sides of the family have a gay-but-not-truly-"out" cousin. My dad once told me that there weren't gay folks when he was growing up. "Right . . .there wasn't one confirmed bachelor in your family or town that seemed different?" He said no, but I could see he was doing his own inventory.


My mom thought homosexuality was a choice until she watched the son of a friend's progression through the years. He is my age. From the age of a toddler, Mom thought him to be a "sissy" (that was the term of the time) and sure enough, he's gay. Lucky for him, he moved from our small town's repressed attitudes and is living a nice life.


When I hear folks say "I don't care if they are gay, I just don't want their sexuality in my face", the immature personality in my head giggles. Perhaps a re-wording is necessary. Heck, I don't want anyone's sexuality on display. Gay, straight, elderly - Public Displays of Affection grosses me out. Get a room!


But when I hear anti-gay comments, I assume the speaker supposes homosexuality to be a choice. If so, I'll ask exactly when they decided to be heterosexual. A silence usually follows.


An old friend of mine is super sensitive about African American issues. She is as white as a jar of mayonnaise but would turn red with anger if she heard someone say "N+*&^#%, please" like Chris Rock. She saw no humor in it. My mom always seem to carry the torch of the American Indian plight. Guess mine is the gay issue. It pushes my buttons. When a long lost friend she sent a stoopid e-mail calling for the Christian protest of a gay kiss shown on network television, I told her that I found her "Christian" intolerance unbelievable and she then asked if I were gay. No, not gay, just compassionate. No more idiotic e-mails from her.

If you ever read a Bible, you'll see that Jesus habitually hung out with the fringes of society - lepers, tax collectors, "unclean" women. Who do you think he would seek out today? The hate spewing religious that misuse the Christian label or the ostracized?